'Twas The Night Of The Election

'Twas the night of the election,
And all through the land,
Lay the people of Florida
On beach chairs in sand.

Most had just voted,
And some were quite mad,
That a ballot for Gore
Gave Buchanan a chad.

When on the tv screen there appeared a news flash,
Gore had won Florida, it was time for a bash!
Away to the computer I ran for a boast
To send out the emails that Bush was now toast.

Messages raced across the World Wide Web
To announce the failure of young brother Jeb
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But another news flash that the state was unclear.

With a deep Texas twang and some down home blather,
The voice could only belong to Dan Rather.
Perhaps he misread his touch screen panel
So I picked up the remote and flipped the channel.

But on Brokaw! On Jennings! On Hume! On Shaw!
On every last network
They had messed up the call.

Nader was spoiling in Wisconsin and Oregon
First Gore and then Bush, and then they went Gore again.
Michigan and Pennsylvania had fallen for Gore
But Bush won Tennessee and Arkansas, what more?

And then, late at night, I heard on Fox News
Bush had won Florida, Gore would now lose.
The call was the first out of more than a dozen.
Little did I know, it came from Bush's own cousin.

I fluffed up my pillows and settled in bed
And awoke the next morning to find Gore still ahead.
What kind of crazy nonsense is this?
The three anchors were sorry, expressing remiss.

After millions of dollars of campaign artillery
A dead man had won and a First Lady Hillary.
Nader had won less than five percent,
And Buchanan's 12 million was not too well spent.

Nevada and Nebraska banned same-sex marriage
A disappointing result, which activists disparaged.
The House was divided closer than before
While the Senate was split and ready for war.

Gore had called Bush in the middle of the night
To concede the race and to give up the fight.
Well hold on there snippy, he called back later
I'm not so sure that I didn't stop Nader.

Remembering the reaction to his sighs at the debate
Gore called a friend, a sighless Secretary of State.
Then recalling his own trouble with a verb to conjugate
Bush called in Baker, his own Secretary of State.

Reno was poised to send in the marshals
For a pre-dawn raid to keep the counters impartial.
She said we can decide between a chad and a dimple.
If we can save Elian, this will be simple.

As Bush picked his cabinet and Gore threatened court
Bill Clinton was happy to hold down the fort.
He said recount the ballots, take as long as you need,
I'll stay at the White House if no one concedes.

As Bush's state lead dwindled to three hundred
A week after the election, the people they wondered,
And South Beach bars, they realized in dismay,
Three hundred people, we do that everyday.

Oregon and New Mexico were still too close to call
As the lawyers jumped in for an old fashion brawl
Someone, I cried, please, please put a stop to this
When on ABC News appeared George Stephanopoulos.

He sprang to his seat with a smile and a swagger
As he called on both sides to pull back their daggers.
But I swear he exclaimed, only half in jest,
Whoever wins the election will be a one-termer at best!

© 2001 by Keith Boykin. All Rights Reserved.