All By Myself

Again, for the first
time, for the last
time

Wanting,
so badly
to see his eyes up close,
to hear his voice,
for the first time

Waiting
Meeting, talking,
smiling, beaming airy lightness
as soaring expectations
boldly defy laws of gravity

Planning, where to go,
what to wear,
when to meet.

Waiting, oh I how dread waiting,
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday

Waiting, Friday, half past seven,
cleaning, cleansing, shaving, dressing,
eight, nine,

Hoping, not again
while preparing again

Waiting, ten, eleven,
midnight, knowing,
it has happened, again

Hurting, the bowels of my insides
wrenching, tighter, tighter

Waiting, still,
listening to familiar lyrics,
hostage to my own
disappointment

Crying, what else is there to do
but cry and wait
and wait and cry

As I wonder
what have I done wrong,
No more!

Until he calls,
the next day,
or the day after,
And here I am

Again, for the first
Time, for the last
Time

Again

© 2001 by Keith Boykin. All Rights Reserved.