Black and Gay in New Mexico

By Kenneth Winfrey, in viewpoints
Monday, April 2 2007, 10:52AM

Kenneth Winfrey Reports

I spoke at the LGBTI Health Summit in Philadelphia a couple of weeks ago. I could really see the contrast of the life I have out here and the life I had back there. It was amazing to hear the "clutching of pearls" when I mentioned that I live in New Mexico. The first question on everyone's mind is "Why?" The second question is usually, "Are there any black people there?" They immediately presume that there is no gay life either.

People are immediately curious about how I made the adjustment to living in a place like New Mexico. So, today, I want to share with you some aspects of my life in New Mexico and the story of how I came to be here.

The Stats

I didn't know it when I moved here, but there is a large and powerful same-sex community here. The metropolitan areas that comprise Albuquerque and Santa Fe are second only to San Francisco in gay households per capita and we have a significant population of same-sex female couples. Unfortunately, black LGBT people are hard to find. The black community in general is highly religious and a strong military presence has a significant impact on the culture of the region. As you might imagine, openly gay black men are extremely rare here. If there is a place where the DL is truly a phenomenon, it is here. The “Q,” for questioning, are not hard to find at all!

One might think that our communities of color back in Philly and St. Louis represent an ideal for me. However, the life I had in both cities was less than ideal. When I visited Philadelphia recently, I saw the black mayor and all the wonderfully intelligent, thriving and beautiful black people there, but I also saw my people hurting there. There were homeless black people, panhandling black people, black people with mental illnesses, and black people just trying to get by everywhere in Philadelphia.

This is something I see in all cities where slavery was big industry, and it is not pretty to me. The "un-prettiness" is exacerbated by the lack of frank and open dialog among us about issues that are having a serious impact on our communities, like human rights and HIV. To be immersed in our post-slavery syndrome, as it has been called, is nothing less than psychic trauma for me.

What I Left Behind

Not everything about where I come from was bad to me. There are things I miss. For example, with a 2 percent black population in New Mexico we don't have Nation of Islam mosques--or the handsome black men wearing bow-ties selling bean pies and the "Final Call" that go with them. There are no black gay clubs. What we do have is an open-minded population, some great soul food restaurants, and a lot of black people who came here to be free, just like me.

We also have a leading LGBT advocacy group. Equality New Mexico. Gov. Richardson has also been a strong ally of the same -sex community. Some say he's just out for becoming president one day and is overworking to get the gay vote. I actually do have some differences with him from when I was helping run our State Office of African American Affairs. But when a guy does the right thing, even if it is for the wrong reasons, I can say, "Thank you" anyway.

By the way, the New Mexico Office of African American Affairs has almost always had at least one out same-gender loving person on staff. There were three there at one time. Two were executive directors. This hasn't been intentional or by design at all. That's just the way it has happened and I don't really think the black community was fully aware of it either.

Anyway, as some might think, I haven’t abandoned my blackness for my sexual orientation. That would be farthest from the truth. Here, I've given myself over to being a human being. That obviously includes being black when you're often the only one in the room. There are many Native Americans and Hispanic people here. They know that they are people of color, and what it means to be something other than white in a largely white-dominated national culture. In my opinion, Black people here are enigmatic, fragmented and are as diverse as the people around them. Many come from some place else because New Mexico wasn't ever really a slave state. Western black groups really do have their own flavor.

Why I Left It Behind

When I first came here in 2002, it was shortly after the September 11 tragedy and my life in Philadelphia had simply vanished with the World Trade Center itself. Clients of the firm where I worked started dropping like flies. It is still my opinion that we destroyed our own economy after 9/11. I know that at least it destroyed my job, which was consolidated, re-engineered, re-structured, and re-organized into something that was so unpleasant that I cried each day as I dressed for work. I became quite ill. The stress, and my then long-standing reluctance to start HIV medication caught up with me. Not only had my job become unpleasant, but I had also survived a physically abusive relationship in the City of Brotherly Love with the man I moved there from St. Louis to be with. On top of that, the city itself seemed cruel and petty.

HIV care was spotty, support services were overburdened, and I felt like I was Tom Hanks in the movie with the same name all over again. I was asked to leave two apartments--solely because of my HIV status. The first landlord kicked me out after two years of a flawless stay. The second one knew I had HIV when I moved in, but when her family found out, they asked her to make me leave only a couple of weeks later. My employer was pressuring me to quit once they knew too.

I know that I could have sued everybody silly, but I didn't want to fight because I was tired and weak. I wasn’t interested in justice or revenge, I just wanted to be some place quiet and safe where I could concentrate on getting a leash around this dog I call HIV. In fact, one day I remember saying, "I wanna move out in the middle of the desert and be by myself!" Shortly after that, I was invited by a friend who took a job here.

It seemed as soon as the plane landed, some kind of magic began. Folks were extremely helpful from the start. The regional AIDS service organization, New Mexico AIDS Services, was easy to work with. They have been around since 1986. I am now on the Board of Directors. The doctors at the clinics were also more attentive and caring. I found a roommate on gay.com and friends in Philadelphia pitched in to help me move. In fact, it seemed like the only things that worked for me in Philly were my plans to leave it.

Then, within the first couple of months of arriving in New Mexico, money started to show up in the least expected ways. I was able to furnish my apartment, buy a car, set aside some money, and retire for about a year until I could figure out what I wanted to do here. That something turned out to be art. Within a week, I had joined a prestigious printmaking gallery and begun to build my commercial design business.

Brother, Where Art Thou?

I wonder why more of us aren't here actually. Albuquerque is frequently given high marks for livability and a strong economy. The mixture of cultures here are good for the dialog of culture and race. It's a libertarian kind of place. I do my thing and don’t perceive any judgments or interference. You can really feel the freedom to do whatever you want--as long as you aren't hurting anyone, of course. The population of only 2 million throughout the entire state makes traffic jams a mere 1-hour ordeal around 5 in the afternoon.

The mild dry climate of New Mexico is often compared to that of places in North Africa. It's true that I do feel that I've "escaped" something back East. I don't think about it anymore, but at first I felt like I should feel bad about that. Despite the livability and great weather, my family in St. Louis always seems to be perplexed at my decision to move here. They think that perhaps I don't love them (or am hiding my health or sexuality) because I have chosen not to suffer in the cold weather of the Midwest with them. However, I know that I must do what is right for me.

Not only do I hate cold weather, but I also feel that there is something unnatural (for me) about the compression of larger cities. Everyone is on top of themselves. I think that it makes people more often rude. Thankfully,this web site is good for me because it helps me feel at home in all the ways that count.

When I'm climbing the Rocky Mountains or rafting in the Rio Grande, I often wonder how many other black people have seen the splendor and glory of the American landscape the way I do out here. I should probably be in one of those HIV medication ads where they have guys hanging from rocks or rafting because that really is me! Each day when I look out my bedroom window overlooking the Rocky Mountain ridges of the Sandias, Manzanos, Magdelenas, and Mt. Taylor, I see the hand of God. When the clouds stand proudly high above the city and create spectacular lightning and "high-definition" sunsets, I am at peace. New Mexico is called the Land of Enchantment, and I am truly enchanted. I even live in a neighborhood called Vista Encantada.

When I came here to this place where there was no real context for me as black gay man, I learned to choose my own destiny more assertively. I am glad that I have found a home where I can just be me--not just black or gay, but ALSO black and gay. I am in a place where I feel more comfortable being the unique person that I am because I am not constantly questioning or challenging myself about my black- or gay-ness. Living in New Mexico has taught me that "where" I am is not "who I am." I don't have a "crowd" or "clique" from which to derive direction. I could have found my freedom no matter where I was, but I wouldn't have known this if I hadn't moved to New Mexico.

Everybody should have a place where they can just be with God. Where is your “New Mexico?”

Kenneth Winfrey is a graphics and web designer living in happiness in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He is also the message board administrator for keithboykin.com.

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