In Memory of Michael Sandy

Kenneth Winfrey
October 15 2006, 4:54PM

He sounds like someone I'd have like to know. He sounds like someone the world should hnever have had to loose.

Will his attackers know that they took the life of a human being? Will they really ever realize that their hatred and brutality will send ripples through an entire community? Perhaps they know (or will know). Perhaps they don't care, but will care.

For now, all I can do is imagine a world where we don't have to fear for our lives just because we love other men.

In my imagination is a place where we are not (as) limited to meeting each other in chatrooms and hook-up Web sites. In my imagination, we meet each other (more) over produce at the local market. We meet each other with passing glances at family gatherings. We meet each other at weddings, Christmas parties, and all those places where everybody else meets.

I am praying for a world where we can meet each other in safer places, in safer ways and with safer consequences.

Meet me in my imagination. Meet Micheal in Heaven

Shabaka
October 15 2006, 6:44PM

What a shame!! Someone so down to earth, so real and obviously so loved had to depart this way. Gut-wrenching!

jazzi
October 15 2006, 8:02PM

I share that imagination too. I also dream that we will learn to love & value ourselves more, that we will learn to seek validation in healthier ways, not just from sex. It's this longing to feel connected, to belong, that causes us to make choices that may not be in our own best interest.

Not saying Michael is to blame for what happened to him. He's not. He's the victim of ignorance, of pure evil. None of us are immune. Sadly, just walking down the street in your own neighborhood could earn you a trip to the emergency road or the morgue, gay or straight. I'm just saying that our loneliness is killing us, making us more vulnerable to the kinds of bastards that attacked Michael. Let's take better care of ourselves & each other.

Rest in peace, Michael.

anthony davis
October 15 2006, 8:23PM

I second Jazzi's comments because this loneliness that some of us feel lead us to make decisions that isn't sometimes in our best interests.Sadly we still live in a world where such ignorance,bigotry,and hatred still exist.My heart go out to Michael's family because this is such a sad and tragic loss.He was definately a beautiful and very gifted young man whose life was senselessly cut short.I pray for Michael and I also pray for all the other brothers left behind who still must deal with the bigotry and hatred that some in the world continue to have towards members of our community.Nice slideshow Keith and very touchung piece.

JJ
October 15 2006, 9:44PM

It's encouraging to read comments here that suggest that we are all learning a lesson in this tragedy. I think one may be that we have to listen to our instincts more. The story in Sunday's New York Times that reconstructed what happened the night of the attack suggested that Michael Sandy didn't feel comfortable with the situation. His intuition knew best. The article said that he drove down to Sheepshead Bay from Williamsburg once around 7:30 p.m. thinking that he was meeting one guy, but when he got there he saw two guys so he drove away. He went all the way back home and re-started his AOL messaging with them and was talked into driving back down there around 9 p.m., which is when he was attacked.

Patrick
October 16 2006, 12:51AM

I was just reading about Mathew Shepard on Wykipedia and this sounds like the same deal, robbery and all.

Michael Sandy sounds and looks like he was a real CUTIE!

Jeff Hobbs
October 16 2006, 3:04AM

Keith thanks for covering this so thoroughly and being a voice for a man who could not speak. I hope when I need you you'll be there. You are a gracious soul. We now have a face, a name, a life to remember and not a statistic! Thank you!

John
October 16 2006, 8:27AM

To Keith and the previous seven repliers, thank you for your thoughtful and insightful remarks. We all need to continue being good to ourselves and helping each other more. Please let no one be alone ... reach out and extend a hand of encouragement, comfort and safety.

Peace to all.

Cocoa Rican
October 16 2006, 9:26AM

Thanks Keight for putting a human face on this tragedy. It's sometimes easy to discount or disconnect when it comes across as a news blurb as opposed to a warm, kind soul that in some way mirrors those of us out there who are single and by virtue of being open individuals, are placed in harms way. It's difficult not to seek to reciprocate the harm done to our community. You've provided a very healthy outlet to vent our frustrations.

Blue
October 16 2006, 11:14AM

My heart goes out to his family. Thanks for covering this. He seemed like a great guy.

Regan DuCasse
October 16 2006, 12:10PM

How many families have had to bury their gay brother, sister, daughter, son....?
How many families would still be whole, were it not for those who look at gay people as easy prey?
Who find it so easy to look at a gay person and see that life as without value to anyone?
How many straight parents of gay children out there follow that line, and suddenly their gay child has no value to their family anymore? To their church, to their friends?

All around me I look at the straight world controlling the information that goes out about gay people.
Gay people are predatory, conspiratorial, have more than they deserve and are demanding more than society at large wants to give.
The more gay folks assert their humanity, the more the straight world asserts that they don't belong to the human race...and assert that gay people were NEVER meant to be.
Gay folks are yet a compelling presence, a vital part of the human race.
I hate to think of yet another funeral for one of our own.
Peace be to him...

Aaron
October 16 2006, 12:34PM

Thanks again Keith for making Michael Sandy a human. Too often we read these stories and make judgements on what people should or should not have been doing and forget that they are humans deserving of love and respect.

Gay Black Men are so dismissive of one another that we often forget our own humanity when tragedy strikes. Speak to each other. Smile at one another. WE ARE ALL WORTHY. Acknowledge the other lives in this similiar struggle as yours and people will re-think doing this type of thing to us because of who we are. We were MADE in HIS image "To Be" whether ignorant folk understand it or not.

Peace and Love fill the Sandy family.

che69
October 16 2006, 12:41PM

He looked like a warm and lively guy (and also, quite sexy). My condolences to him, his family, and may we all keep him alive by passing his name on to others so that all can know that we are not just victims, but also people.

bubba
October 16 2006, 12:43PM

Another reason for my already shaky faith in humanity. I'm Michael's age, and other similarities I'm reading about are equally disturbing. To boot, think of the media hoopla when a white girl goes missing. This tragedy occured in my city, and I barely saw anything about it in the news. The only justice seems to be for people to care that it happened. Fat chance.

shannon
October 16 2006, 1:36PM

I send my deepest regards and prayers to the family and friends of such great man. I have never meet Mr. Sandy until today. So sad that this would happen just after seeing the last few episodes of Noah's Arc. This type of tragedy has not hit home for me persoanlly but it is home beacuse I am a black gay man myself. I fear life sometimes that this could possibly happen to me and others who are close to me. We all need to be heard, regardless being homosexual, bisexual or hetrosexual. A crime, is a crime, is a crime and it is so shameful that this type of crime is still exist. I also send out a special prayer for the ones who are involved in such manner.
Shannon

CPAPhD
October 16 2006, 1:46PM

Keith, great coverage. All, excellent commentary. To expand the imagination, I picture a time and a place where we, as a community, avail ourselves to one another. One challenge we have as a community is exactly what Aaron mentioned: "Gay Black Men are so dismissive of one another that we often forget our own humanity when tragedy strikes. Speak to each other. Smile at one another. WE ARE ALL WORTHY." I've been personally guilty of exactly that in the past. I'm greatful to the man that brought my nose out of the air. Lonliness is a dangerous state of being. A few folks are getting rich from the sites that provided the forum for this and other tragedies. While I'm almost certain the initial intent was pure, it's spiraled out of control. What is the next step? Where do we go from here?

wally
October 16 2006, 3:04PM

I am extremely sad by Micheal's death.When are we as gay men and women going to rise up to stop this blatent disregard for our life. Where are the Clinton's , and the Cuomo's and the Sharpton's And the King's and the Shabbazz's .How come I am not hearing their voices?Does he not matter because he was gay and was on the internet loooking for sex.
Peole when did it become ok in our minds that it is ok to kill one of our brothers or sisters and not demand that our politicians and so called black leaders be accountable.

Solomon
October 16 2006, 4:10PM

Thank you for this post and for acknowledging the humanity of our brother whose life was taken because others chose to deny his humanity, and subsequently, there own. I am really emotional about this and have been since I watched the news on Saturday morning, but one of the things that I find interesting is that while this has been charged by the authorities as a hate crime, the reports seem to understand such a crime on the basis of his sexuality. Why this is problematic is that, at least to my knowledge (and I could be wrong), at least one or all of the men who were charged were white. Clearly the homophobia/heterosexism of the murderers is central to their crime and the subsequent hate crime charge, however, the fact that at least one white man attacked and killed a Black gay man should not be lost. Race is an issue here and I'd be interested to hear what some of the "leaders" of the Black community have to make of it given its lynching like fashion. Or, is he not Black enough? RIP Michael.

Solomon
October 16 2006, 7:37PM

I wanted to add that sexuality is essential too, but I see race here as well... not that one trumps the other. Just a point of clarification.

castiron
October 16 2006, 9:19PM

Very moving post, Kenneth Winfrey

Jay
October 17 2006, 7:07AM

As a parent of three (two of whom are grown) you never feel like your job of "protector" is done with your children. I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to buy one of my children so my heart breaks for his parent. Rest in peace, little prince. From what I have learned about you since this tragic event took place you were a real gem.

kc
October 17 2006, 11:58AM

It, is so sad- death......there is no way to define it, nor in anyways to tell someone how you feel in totality. And I was saddened by the whole situation when I read about it- if it weren't for KB's site I probably would not have heard about it the day it happenned nor the day after. Been in Atlanta- where CNN and other major affilitaions proliferate this state, there wasn't much been said- if at all.
And it makes me wonder where does importance comes in getting incidents in this regard covered. Damn, they are more likely to pull someone over for a darn bumper sticker that pokes fun of the President- than to cover a situation of this calibre affecting not one place but over the nation. I am quite sure there may be other instances, or situation like this- but who hears, watches or cares?

kc
October 17 2006, 12:30PM

As a single young man - it scares the hell out of me, and brothers like me- who may may seek solace, look for "love" -or what is percieved as love, friends, ..........etc behind a screen. I personally don't have a pc to do so at home- and I dare not do so at work. But, I just want my brothers to be careful, no matter the situation. Micheal's situation in light of the tragedy should teach us a lesson - that there are some sub-human people out there who will do deadly acts to anyone.
It's so hard to fathom loosing someone- been there, family, friends and co-worker. And it just brings back memories as if it were yesterday. And as a brother of West Indian ancestry its even worse.He was loved, looking for love, kind, caring, and someone whom I think would make someone happy. And God as called one of his sons home. And may he rest in peace, and his life on earth be remembered always.

Marcy
October 18 2006, 12:34PM

Hi, I knew Michael personally. I live in the town where he worked for his father on Saturdays, where I would come in and Michael would make me the most outrageous smoothies from natural fruit, wheatgrass, spirulina, what have you....we would talk and talk, sometimes for an hour, about anything and everything.

I am proud to tell you first hand that Michael was a gentle soul, never a bad word, always had an infectious smile on him, and a doll to boot. We will miss him sorely....we love you Michael, and my heart goes out to Zeke and his wife, who raised such a wonderful son.

Lisa
October 26 2006, 8:13PM

When I heard the news today from a friend my heart sank. I worked with Michael on two different occasions for IKEA. What an honest and fun person. I will never forget the way he would sing along out loud to whatever was playing on his ipod while we were working, not caring who was around. Made me laugh. May God be with his family and friends.

brian mills
October 28 2006, 2:09AM

I havent spoken to michael in quite some time , no bad blood of course, Just perhaps the geographic divide since hes moved. I fondly remember the last time we went out dancing together in brooklyn to a rave revival old school breaks party maybe 3 yrs ago, had such a blast. I'm just so confused how anyone could have tried to harm such a truly wonderful person, and to know it just by looking into his eyes alone.

My heart, and prayers go out to his family, and all whose lives were touched by him.

Ajae
November 8 2006, 2:38PM

My heart was touched by the one quote from him, that made me sit and ponder some things: "A friend is one who walks in, when the rest of the world walks out."

Ajae

O
November 13 2006, 6:32PM

Michael I didnt know you but I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE you were short like me...cute like me and free like me and i know youre free now....i love you because you will always be my brother....I know if we had known each other we would have had so much to talk about...so much to dream about...so much to cry about...
so much and so little
Michael .....I will always love you....AND I NEVER KNEW YOU!!!!!!!!!!

camill
November 24 2006, 5:42AM

i am polish guy, my english is no good, but i know michael...oh my got why??? he was in my hosue 3 days before....why?why?

Louis
November 28 2006, 12:59PM

I knew michael from work, helping to open new stores throughout the country, we did hang out toghether on several occasions. My prayers go out to his close friends and family, he will be missed.

PK
March 27 2007, 11:04PM

I miss you Mike!

Dee
April 3 2007, 7:33AM

We lost michael on october 12,2006 and we lost our grandmother December 20,2005 one year before michael passing, two weeks before her 96th birthday and now we suffer another lost for the sandy family of my aunt marie.Thank you to everyone for their love and support to our family in our times of need to michael's fabolous friends jason,nick and the others you guys filled the hole in his mother's heart. And that justice will be served for the injustice. michael that one day we will all be together again.Also to my big sister Trina who passed away august 24,2004 you lost a hard battle to won the greater reward PEACE love & respect & God bless.We love and miss you Michael,

stephen
August 5 2007, 9:02AM

Thank you for this rememberance. I did not know Mike, but i cried for him. When i think of Mike and Matthew i still cry. I do feel that 'we' all know Mike in a way. How many of us have left our home to meet a blind date and thought, "let me call _____ quickly and let them know where i am meeting him, just in case."
I am happy to see the judges ruling about the charge of 'hate crime.'
God bless you keith, and mike, and matt, and all the rest of those who fight with us and for us.

jjj
September 1 2007, 10:29AM

I'm thinking of Michael today. His death struck a chord in our locality....'cause he was a Bellport fella...and his sweet nature never harmed a soul. I wish that we could allow all people to express themselves, to find love and companionship, and to be equal under the law. I wish that folks like Larry Craig could come to terms with their sexuality and allow others to come to terms with theirs. I'm very tired of gay-bashing. I'm tired of my church (Episcopal) in schism because of the election of a gay bishop in New Hampshire.

Why can't we all just get along?

Tom Ecapsym
November 3 2007, 1:52PM

Mike was a great guy. Funny, artistic, and a joy to be around. One of the few people I've had the honour to call a mate and one of the few that I'll always consider a mate. I remember once he told me an anecdote, and though I don't know the whole thing, I do remember some..
"They say a bird in hand is worth two in the bush, and throughout my struggles this has always been true. Now this is a story all about how my Life got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I become the prince of a town called Bel-Air. In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground is where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool
And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys they were up to no good
Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
And said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."

May he forever be remembered as Comp Science III's fresh prince.