The Rise of Black Gay Sex Parties
By Keith Boykin, in sexuality
Monday, June 12 2006, 4:17PM
Thumbing through HX magazine over the weekend, I made an unusual discovery about sex in the black gay community. It's not what you would expect. We've all heard the complaint that black gay men are underrepresented in the pages of the LGBT press. That rule has also applied to the weekly gay party guides like HX and Next in New York City, Metro Weekly in Washington and other magazines in other cities. But in some other ways, black gay men may actually be overrepresented, especially in terms of sex parties.
My inquiry began when I came across an article (p. 74) about a new porn video called "Black Cocks In White Jocks." Despite my initial inclination to dismiss the story as yet another example of the fetishization of black men, I was intrigued by the photo of two apparently naked black men embracing. I read on. The author observes, "I'm getting a bit tired of, 'Oh yeah, suck my big black dick,' 'Oh yeah, I love that big black cock'" lines. The writer continues, "Can't it just be, 'Suck my dick'? Even the title of the film shows that black men are still a 'fetish' in the porn world." That critique piqued my interest and got me thinking about the ways in which black men are represented in other ways in gay culture.
Blacks Overrepresented Among Sex Parties
Perhaps more fascinating than the way that gay culture represents black men is the way that black gay men depict themselves. Just four pages later in the magazine, I started looking through the list of "Private Clubs" (p. 78) and made another discovery. Of the 72 "private clubs" and sex parties listed, at least 20 of them clearly appeared to be targeted toward black men. In other words, 28 percent of the sex parties listed catered toward black men, and this was the case in a publication whose target audience is stereotypically assumed to be white gay men in Chelsea.
In a city where blacks make up 24.5 percent of the population, if we account for 28 percent of the advertised gay sex parties, that means we are actually slightly overrepresented in the number of gay sex parties available to us. And since most of the black sex parties are presumably organized by other black men, it's not something we can attribute to other communities.
Even among the black sex parties, the audiences were often very specific in the advertisements. One group called "40-Plus" was advertised toward "in-shape black and Latino men 40+ who appreciate a safe, clean, smoke-free environment." Another event advertised to get "young black and Latino brothers 18-35" for "underwear and butt-naked parties." One party billed itself as "Da Spot 4 Da Hood Katz" while another party, called OG'Z, described its parties as "private upscale events for fit mature brothaz." Notice how many different ways the word "brother" is spelled in the advertisements. There was even an all-inclusive party for "thick brothaz" where food and drinks were included.
The parties also seemed to cross the geographical reach of the city, spanning from Brooklyn to Harlem to the Bronx. There was a party for men of color who live uptown, a "fuck party" for "in-shape thugs-on-tha-low" in Brooklyn, and several parties for Harlemites, including "Harlem Knights" for 18-35 year-olds and "Harlem World" for 18-39 year-olds.
Raw Sex Parties Not the Norm
The existence of black gay sex parties will come as no surprise to most black gay men in urban settings. I see these advertisements every week in the gay party magazines. But I had never analyzed them in terms of numbers and content. When I did, I was actually pleased to discover that "raw sex parties" seemed to be rare to nonexistent among the advertisements. Despite the recent controversy over an unsafe sex party in Harlem, many of the black sex parties advertised in HX made a point of talking about condoms and safe sex.
One party promoter even provides a special health warning on his explicit web site. The warning says "It is really important for me to let you all know that I'm not just all about promoting my sex parties. I want you to know that I am very concerned about the health of men in our community. I hope that you all will use condoms when you are here at my parties, when you are at home in your own bedroom or any place else that you might get your freak on. I continuously work with the health department in trying to find ways to keep you guys safe and informed." On the same page with a series of animated sex scenes [Warning: very explicit content], the site includes links to the health department to get information on HIV testing and other free services.
It's not surprising to imagine raw sex parties taking place when you realize the diversity of black private sex clubs already available. I found a sex party for almost any group of black gay or bisexual men you could imagine. There was a "Zodiac Freakfest" for black, Rican and Dominican bruthas, a "Black Muscle Club" for "admirers of serious muscle," a "Hoodlums" party with a "very selective door" and a "Hip-Hop Flava" party for 18-30 year olds.
Like it or not, sex parties have become a big part of the culture for many black gay and bisexual men. Some even use Yahoo groups to cultivate their membership. Let me be clear. I say this not to criticize the culture of black sex parties, but rather to get us to think about the proliferation of these events and what, if anything, they mean about our community. Sex parties are not some new phenomenon. They've been going on for years. And it's not just black gay men who are participating in them. Most of the parties advertised were still targeted toward white men. And that's to say nothing of the straight sex parties that take place in that community as well.
I don't believe in shutting down these events. People are going to have sex, whether we like it or not. Sex between consenting adults is a healthy form of human expression. Maybe we need more outlets for black gay men to meet in non sexual settings. Maybe we need more safe sex education at the sex parties that already go on. Whatever we do, as we educate our community about "safe sex" we have to be careful not to communicate the message that sex itself is bad.
Comments conceal
yusef
June 12 2006, 5:55PM
Keith, I am a avid reader of your site and I cant understand why you seem to be so "appalled" and suprised at these sexual "things" that are going on all across the country. These things are nothing new, c'mon man by your late 30's & 40's a man of your stature and world experience should be kinda "over it"...you have very interesting articles on your site...but lately its been overkill about the "sex perty" scene...I say "enough safe sex messages" its 2006 if you dont know as a black/white/hispanic gay male whats going on by now...as they say i guess "you short"...and even though some of those ads encourage "safe" sex...please believe me once you enter the party its whatever...I would bet my life on the fact that 50% of all men whatever race will continue to have raw sex and the other 50% will not..its just that simple, even the guys that put "safe sex" on their profile on the sex hook-up sites more times than not will go "raw" once they hook-up...its all a mind game. So enough is enough..more black men are dying from gunshot wounds in our hoods and being locked up...thats where the REAL problems lie.
Stuffed Animal
June 12 2006, 6:12PM
Where's the intimacy? Human beings need intimacy. These sex parties are just focusing on carnality. They are harmful in that Black men are not being encouraged to form meaningful, one-on-one long-term relationships. There'll come a time when the "brotha" is no longer buff enough to be welcome at these kinds of events. What happens then? Who's he gonna get his lovin' from? Does he even know how to love?
Darren
June 12 2006, 6:51PM
Yusef,
Well said Yusef, I agree 100%!
Liquid Fonts
June 12 2006, 7:03PM
I saw a spot on the 10 o'clock news yesterday about how gospel music is competing with comtemporary. You would have thought they were explaining to us what gospel music is and how it works, like they were selling gospel music or something and I said to my mother " ...as if nobody had ever heard of gospel music!!" and she agreed with my take on it.
Then I thought about it and realized that just because I had known of gospel music since forever, it didn't mean that other people were so lucky and if that's true then just maybe that one segement about gospel music will have introduced to someone something more wholesome and spiritual than some of these naked divas and the like.
Go figure...
Joey
June 12 2006, 7:34PM
I don't think that Keith is at all "appalled" at the existence of sex parties in the black gay community. I also think that he is quite aware that these parties have been going on for a while, and that they will continue to go on in the future. However, I agree with him when he suggests that these parties can tell us something about our community. We can ask, why do black men resort to sex parties? What's with the criteria that these parties place on perspective participants? And, what exactly do these things mean to our community? Furthermore, I think the argument that we have said enough about HIV/AIDS dangerous, and this is especially true concerning the African American community. As long as we feel the need to whisper about HIV/AIDS, as long as there is a stigma surrounding it, as long we lack the resources to curb it, we must continue to speak about it. Lastly, it is disingenuous to suggest that gunshot wounds and HIV/AIDS are seperate and apart from each other. They stem from the same social ills.
Shawn
June 12 2006, 8:33PM
Those ads in HX Magazine aren't a sufficient sample pool to make any type of conclusion about anything. That being said, more safe sex should be practiced.
jcampbell41
June 12 2006, 8:38PM
Yusef's comments display the short-sightedness that is typical of all gay men, not just black ones. This idea that some people will have unsafe sex and some won't seems to negate the fact that those who bareback are not consigned to some island where they can only mate with those of their kind. The same men who bareback at one moment may have boyfriends, or wives and girlfriends who may be completely in the dark about these extracurricular activities -- yet may wind up paying the consequences of it. So it's not possible to believe those who bareback do not affect us all, in ways seen and unseen.
I have no problems with sex parties per se. My only reservation about them is black gay men seem to be putting so much energy into organizing a sex party, an activity that is designed to be forgotten within minutes of its ending. Could not that same energy and planning be focused into more life-affirming, lasting avenues?
cmoney
June 12 2006, 8:51PM
The sex party phenom is partly arising out of the internet becoming the primaary means of meeting people these days. It's a lot easier and cheaper than geting dressed up, heading out to a club, spending money, getting drunk, getting your car broken into, socializing and MAYBE meeting someone for a sexual encounter. The internet and sex parties make it easier and cut out all of the clubbing and socializing that people used to do just to get to the same result--sex! To make matters worse, clubs where Black gays meet are being shut down all over. D.C. will lose about half of it's gay clubs by the end of this year. As it is, there are only 3 clubs left where Blacks are the majority (The Mill, The Edge and The Delta). The kids will find a way to hook up regardless!
anthony davis
June 12 2006, 9:17PM
There was a time when I use to attend these sex parties and at first I went out of curiosity and then it later became a thing of me using them to somehow fill a void.I will be the first to tell you that I like sex and a good freak session from time to time but after awhile you start to question what it is that you're really doing.It can't just be about sex all the time because there comes a time when you want something deeper and that something can't be found at these sex parties.I don't knock or judge anyone who chooses to attend these parties but as black gay men we need to find ways to communicate and connect that don't always involve sex.
Kenneth Winfrey![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.keithboykin.com/blog2/nav-commenters.gif)
June 12 2006, 10:57PM
We misinterpret the observation by overlooking the core issue: the over-representation of Black men in sex parties--often for the entertainment of non-Black men, no less.
When I moved to New Mexico from Philly, everyone behaved as if I were moving to the Moon, but I knew that quantity over quality wouldn't help anything either. I lived in Philly 4 years and still never met a Black man with whom I could maintain a monogamous LTR.
If anything, what I find appalling is the lack of "better" things to do. Thus, if you're over-represented in the way of sexual activity within the generalized gay community, then you're probably having more sex than might be healthy...
ALLEGRO
June 12 2006, 11:26PM
KEITH.... Do you really think its in the COMMUNITY's best interest to provide a LINK to a SEX PARTY SITE? Why reward him with customers?
Just because he has this page on his site that addresses HEALTH....doens't necessarily translates to promoting safe sex practices. I mean if he was really concerned...he woulnd't be hosting such a gathering right? I mean how many SAFE SEX POSTERS have you guys seen in bathhouses and the like knowing full well that its not always being practiced nor is it being monitored.
ALLEGRO
June 12 2006, 11:36PM
Another thing...
They are cracking down on these kind of parties in some areas. I know several parties have been reported and busted in ATL proper. Some of these party promoters have just moved outside city limits, but there was a momentary shut down of this kind of thing for a good minute.
Steve
June 12 2006, 11:40PM
True, these kind of things have always gone on. But wouldn't it be so much better if we lived in a world where we were free to associate with, love, and marry the person of our choice? These parties would be a lot less prevalent I bet.
And if 50 percent are not wearing protection, our community is once again in great danger. That's really frightening.
nreeldeep
June 13 2006, 8:24AM
Not one non-sexual article on this site gets more than 4 comments. Politics-2 comments. Arts-2 comments. Culture-2 comments. Sports-NO comments.
But open up a topic about sex and everybody comes out of the woodwork. My basic premise is proven time and again: gay=sex. To be gay is to be extraordinarily obsessed with sex.
FREELEO
June 13 2006, 10:22AM
I disagree nreeldeep. Most people for better or worse, are fascinated by sex, sexuality, who's having sex, who's not having sex, why aren't they having sex, how can I have better sex, etc., etc. The topic has sold more magazines, launched more talk shows, and made stars out of people I wish would just go away. (Paris Hilton) People like to talk about sex and I think it's a good thing.
Rahsheed
June 13 2006, 12:07PM
I don't know if you read this posting on Keith's home page today but if not, you should!
http://www.keithboykin.com/arch/2006/05/17/shock_and_raw
"With people in our communities promoting sex parties where condom use isn't even optional & when the call to responsibility & honesty are treated as anathema, it's no wonder that infection is & will continue to be on an up-swing. It's pure insanity!"
The posters had me scared, informed, shocked and deeply moved to make a change each time I want to buss a nut deep up into another brotha!!!
willg
June 13 2006, 1:50PM
Anybody stop to think about the motivations beyond sex for hosting the party? An economic analysis of the state of black men in the areas where the parties proliferate is overdue. Any correlation to men needing money from a "gray" market to supplement low wages coming from elsewhere because of a hostile workforce?
Brezh
June 13 2006, 2:53PM
Yusuf,
You set up a common, but false, dichotomy. Just because there are other urgent problems on which you happen to place top priority does not mean that the urgent problem of maintaining vigilance against the scourge of HIV should be shunted into the background. There will always be young people to educate about the dangers of random and/or unprotected sex, needle sharing, etc. Given the nature of human desires and frailty, the rest of us benefit from periodic reminders that fleeting pleasure may bring devastating long-term consequences.
By all means, talk about other important issues. But it doesn't cost you anything to talk or read about HIV and think about what it means in your life, while ignoring it could cost you dearly.
Derrick_the other one
June 13 2006, 3:15PM
Nreeldeep, that is a very intersting comment. I remember talking to a brother a while back and I mentioned to him I was celibate and he was perplexed as to how I could be both gay and celibate. He says: "But that's what MAKES you gay." Meaning, actually participating in sex with another man IS what makes one gay. If I am not having sex, am I gay? This demontrates the dangers of assocating sexual acts with personhood or identity.
I am a very sex-positive person and I understand the ephemeral attractiveness of sex parties; however, I do worry about the possible HIV/AIDS transmission rates at these functions.
Derrick
June 13 2006, 3:46PM
Why can't we as gay black men have sex parties? Why not? And no these parties areb't all just about sex. The parties are for gay black men to connect with other gay black men. Its obvious these parties fill a need. I actually think people who go to these parties are brave.
And in a way isn't a BATHHHOUSE also a sex party? So what's the difference? A BATHHOUSE CUTS out ALL THE CRAP such as buying drinks, trying to chat someone up, spending money to go to the club, when what people want is SEX. A sex party and a bathhouse are filling a SEXUAL NEED and A VOID. I do see what people are saying about connecting with someone and finding that good person. However, I don't go to clubs because GUESS WHAT I am not interested in CLUBS. I don't got time to talk and chit chat I want SEX. And I am going to get it and that's why I go the BATHHOUSE. Because at the BATHHOUSE just like a sex party the BS is out the window.
saint james
June 13 2006, 5:42PM
To nreeldeep:
Hence your on-line line I suppose?
naturalblkluv
June 13 2006, 5:49PM
we are fighting for our right to act like animals ? isn't this what the slave master thought of of us 400 yrs ago ? that we had no morals, no common seen or ability to control our selves. nothing good comes out of theses sex parties and now one must wonder are we this desperate for companionship, that we risk catching an STD for a quick hump. i am reading that some cities have an HIV rate of 46% among its same gender loving community, and to attend one of these parties is Russian roulette with your life.
i remember as Lil boy and as a college student about being a credit to our race. is acting like a pack of dogs in heat a credit to our race ? i think not. i am sadden when i see those who are suppose to be the talented tenth act like they have lost there damn minds.
yusef
June 13 2006, 5:52PM
BREZH, I am not saying ingnore everything else that plagues mankind....but just like the brainchild of the reagan administration (war on drugs) (just say no)...uh hello FAILURE...peeps still smoke weed by the pound and cracked out, slumping all day on heroin...why because the problem is deep rooted...we waste time cuttin leaves and forget to dig up roots....I personnaly know a young man who i believe his motivation for hosting "sex" parties is monetary period....he gets a check for whatever reason and has these parties to supplement...and i'm not a religous person but i am spiritual..and i have read the "book" and its clear to me that no matter how many rallies you have against certain "ills" of society...guess what none of it matters....it foretells you in ephesians as well as the book of Jude, Romans, and so on...that evil will wax greater and greater...so as in the days of NOAH so shall it be when the Son of Man returns...that means the days of NOAH aint got nothing on how things are going to get.
Randall
June 13 2006, 9:34PM
It's about time someone said something about the phenomenon. Sometime, a dialogue on touchy subjects can bring about some needed interventions. For instance: HIV/AIDS prevention, Counseling, and the like.
Please keep me informed.
Derrick from Philly
June 14 2006, 10:19AM
I would like to host a sex party given by "middle-aged, fat, bald-headed, bottom only, femm queens" for "under twenty-five,hyper-masculine, top only, muscular, black and Latino daddies who brush their teeth everyday." Penis size not important(old queens can't be picky--unless the bitch is rich). I wonder how many young guests would show up. Oh, I forgot to mention, you get $50. for attending. Oh,Honey, the door bell done started to ringin'.
Bernie
June 14 2006, 10:22AM
I know I'm several days late in commenting here, but I just have to agree with Kenneth Winfrey's comments from June 12. Sex parties exist because we haven't learned how to related to one another in any other way. Real, meaningful, long-term relationships seem hard to come by and we sorely lack a diverse range of social outlets in which to come together.
I have been asking the following question for years and no one has given me a good answer. "Where do interesting, educated Black gay men find each other if they aren't interested in clubs, bars and sex parties?"
Luddite
June 14 2006, 11:08AM
Derrick From Philly:
You beat me to it! I was gonna suggest my very own sex party:
"middle aged, overweight, bald, white men (MAOBWM)and their admirers (if any even exist)"
"Music will be from the late 70's to early 80's. Hope you like 'Journey', 'Kansas', 'Fleetwood Mac', and of course 'ABBA'.
"If the MAOBWM is grouchy because his hemorrhoids are acting up then 'Kitty' will not be entertaining any Gentlemen Callers. So it will be an oral sex party only. Unless 'Sopranos' or a Cher concert is on HBO. Then the party will be cancelled".
cmoney
June 14 2006, 7:50PM
Bernie, the answer to your question about where to find interesting, educated, Black gay men not interested in clubs and sex parties is: At sex parties! Sorry to disappoint.
askew
June 18 2006, 5:46AM
i was just saying that there are plenty of places to go get sex but with the cost of the clubs thats why the gay male go to safe sex parties and enjoy their self i know one spot in bk were the peeps get more then just sex they get a person to discuss many issues relating to the gay community and they can call and speak with a person at any hour the peron counsel they from sex issues and person problems and he have help two guys from sucide and also helped a couple of peeps to take care of their health and they have came along way and the guy is very help and have open door policy to welcome to talk at anytime so sex parties are a good thing from the way the person in bk eny helps people.
benjamin
June 23 2006, 11:11AM
just would like to say on this topic i am a spiritual person first and foremost (dont confuse it w/ religion) so anything that my spirituality umbrellas such as homosexual, black, white, hispanic, whatever traits that make up ME is all good because this is who we are as "humans". and as a people we have been taught that sexuality is dirty. There is nothing dirty about it, just that we have been programmed to think so, so therefore we feel that it is. When in all actuallity one thing you DO learn through the journey of spiritual self is that sex is a beautiful thing as long as BOTH parties agree so. It is the exchange of such a dense positive energy that the act itself alone creates healing in the body. There are sex parties for people who live a spiritual life also where they get together in retreats on the lake or wherever and its a beautiful thing. The only difference in the gay community is all in how we approach it, WE make it dirty, and we let others convince us that it is dirty. celebrate sex dudes
alasexboi
June 29 2006, 5:24PM
Whites do the same thing. They just make it into a full blown (pardon the pun) business and call it a sex club. In NYC there are at least four places in Manhattan alone where people pay a fee and have sex. Blacks seem to want something more homegrown shall we say.
greasyguide
July 27 2006, 5:45AM
I just don't think we have enough options for places to go. There are not enough Black parties anymore. We have to end up a Splash bar. The sex parties have taken over and no one wants to dance anymore.
Gary
August 30 2006, 10:47PM
The GNAA is a group of people who are working to make the world a better place for black gay men. I suggest you visit our website.
Bradley
October 30 2007, 3:14PM
Where DO gay men go to meet each other in the big city without it being centered around a sex theme? DO tell!
Joshua
November 30 2007, 12:26PM
Well, doesn't this just speak to the fetishization of black men in general, both gay and straight? Or does it speak to the issue that black men feel that they have to live up to the expectations of being these sexual objects--or is it really our nature?