Checking In
By Keith Boykin, in pop culture
Wednesday, October 12 2005, 11:57AM
The past few days have been very busy for me. I got up at 4:30 Tuesday morning to catch a train from New York to Washington for a press conference with the National Black Justice Coalition. After the 9 o'clock press conference, I spent the rest of the day juggling two entirely different tasks. On the one hand, I was pushing the media to write stories on the death of my friend LeRoy Whitfield. On the other hand, I was making plans with the Coalition to deal with the Millions More March.
The funny thing is that I don't get paid for any of these things. I make almost all my income from lecturing at college campuses (which I do during the school year) and writing books (which I do every few years). The 2004-05 school year ended in May, so I haven't made any money from lecturing in five months. And royalty checks only come in twice a year, so the last one came in May. Plus, I don't have a 9-to-5 job and I don't make any money from producing this website or from writing my daily columns.
So it's time for me to slow down. This week I will continue working on the effort to get gay and lesbian speakers at the Millions More March. And next week I will be organizing a New York memorial service for LeRoy Whitfield. After that, I have to return to the business of running my life.
I need to finish the book proposal for my new book by the end of the month, and I need to finish the plans for the television show I'm developing by the end of the year. And I still have a relationship to tend to, and that is the most important part of my life. That means I won't have a lot of extra time from now on.
Becoming A Public Figure
In the past few years, I've learned a lot from being more visible in the public's eye. When you're a public figure, lots of people want to talk to you all the time. I get hundreds of emails every week from people I don't know, and since May I haven't had a full-time assistant to help out. In fact, I'm so far behind in responding to these emails that I consider it a victory if I can keep my inbox below 500 emails at any given time.
The emails usually fall into three categories. There are those who want to congratulate, those who want to criticize, and those who want to ask for something. The congratulatory emails come from people who want to thank me for something I've said or done. Sometimes people thank me for things I don't even remember doing from years ago. Often times these emails come from young people in college and high school who've read my books. And I get a fair share of emails from people in different countries from Kenya to South Africa to Germany to Argentina.
The critical emails almost always have to do with religion. I get at least a dozen emails a week from so-called Christians who write to tell me that I'm going to Hell. If you want to understand why I'm so passionate about challenging homophobic ministers, you need only read these emails. I used to read these emails and respond with long, detailed answers that the readers would simply ignore. Now I don't read these emails at all. They get deleted immediately.
And then there are the emails that ask for something. Many of the people who write to me want something. They want me to review their essays, read their books, watch their independent films, respond to their surveys, link to their websites, help with their homework (yes, I really get these emails), sit on panels, speak at events (for free), give money to their causes, or give them advice about their lives. I used to love responding to these messages, and I prided myself on being able to reply to all of them within a day or two. Now I'm lucky if I respond in a month.
The point is that things are getting harder and harder to manage. As I've become more visible in the public eye over the past three years from the National Black Justice Coalition to American Candidate to my most recent book, I have learned that I can't be all things to all people. I tend to take on more than I can possibly handle, but I've learned that I can't help all the people I'd like. And I tend to take on projects out of passion instead of professional advancement, but I've learned that I can't save anyone if I don't save myself first.
Comments conceal
Plemis
October 12 2005, 1:16PM
Keith we all know its got to be difikult for you but can you loan me $80.00 and can you do my math homework for me ? Pleaseeeeeeee keith ?
imaima
October 12 2005, 1:21PM
Hey Keith,
Sometimes you need to step back and take stock so that life doesn't drown you out. You do what you have to do. As long as you are true to yourself and what you believe in you will be fine. Good luck with everything!
Jazzluva31
October 12 2005, 1:24PM
Totally understandable Keith!! I was beginning to wonder if you had a few clones running around here.
marcus
October 12 2005, 1:37PM
Keith, you are a good man. I am truly inspired by your works,intergity and humanity. You are the light atop of the hill. Many blessings to you.
carl
October 12 2005, 1:38PM
Keith ... You're a giver ... It's inherent in your soul and as Virgo ... But you can spread yourself thin by being a voice for too many who really do not have your best interests at heart ... It's good you're taking a step back and re-focusing ... And the bottom line is that you really do not owe anyone an explanation for doing this ... You're doing more good in this world and trying to set some form of an equality scale in a truly unbalanced country and many take that for granted ... It's even odd that one has to fight and speak out for civil liberties in a free country.
Human issues are taxing and complex at best, but making sure everyone gets a fair shot at life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is clearly something MOST people don't get ... So I applaud you and ur guts (especially in dealing with people that hate you or your so-called agenda -- especially church folk) and wholeheartedly say: Go and get yourself a cold beer, pop in your favorite CD, think about how you have changed people's perceptions and lives and remember there are lots of folks who think you are a decent, good person. And at the end of the day that is really all that matters.
Kevin C
October 12 2005, 2:15PM
I am so glad to hear you are developing a show of your own. I've been talking about this for a minute. Hey, I'm not in the ad biz for nothing!!
Sorry to hear about the passing of your friend LeRoy Whitfield. From what you wrote about him he must have been quite a Soldier. May those that knew him best celebrate his spirit always.
Stay Strong & UP
Kevin C
ATL
may
October 12 2005, 2:21PM
I love visiting this site, I don't always agree with you or your opinions but I do have a lot of admiration for you. You sound like you need a break and I think you are at liberty to take one whenever you wish for as long as you wish...
It's alright to be selfish every so often.
And not all churchfolk hate you...some of us really do think you are what every black man gay or straight should aspire to be.
Blessings to you and yours.
Byron
October 12 2005, 2:28PM
Yea it must be hard being a nation icon for the gay community. I am sure that your strenious schedule of leisure and professional travel makes the 8500.00 checks in your checking and savings account make you feel deserving. The polictical pressure to be an individual has to be overbareing! oh How I am glad that the burden to be controversal and critical to up standing community leaders isn't mine. I guess that some of us are just dealt a rough hand.
VL
October 12 2005, 2:58PM
Thanks for caring and passing your messages around our communities. I wish there were more people like you....and not more people like me, who are are unselfish and give a damn about making a difference, enough to put their personal successes/finances ahead of their passions and beliefs. Regardless of what these so called "Christians "have to say (I'm a Christian too), I know, like others, that you will have a special place in heaven one day.
Kola Boof
October 12 2005, 3:06PM
Keith, you're not going to hell, because you're an angel.
I totally understand your situation and I'm always rooting for you.
Bklynbro
October 12 2005, 3:12PM
Keith - no offense, but it sounds like you're tired and broke. Any future so-called Black gay leader should take note. The best to you.
Who is Sean
October 12 2005, 3:33PM
i wondered how you made money, because there isn't much just being black and gay. i'm glad you were honest. but seriously, if you don't, you should get you an entertainment agent, start doing walk-ons stunts for black television, commericals, learn to diversify your image. something to think about. and read my weblog http://www.whatitfeelslike.typepad.com
Asian Female
October 12 2005, 3:53PM
I've been looking at Keith's photos on this website and I wonder if he ever got plastic surgery. I mean, they all look like Keith, but I'm wondering if he got cheek implants or something. Maybe it's just the photos.
Juba Kalamka
October 12 2005, 4:00PM
Yeah....Unfortunately Keith, there ain't no Black Gay Activist Pension an Insurance Fund. yet (smile)
I getcha drift as a fellow artist/activist....people see your face on a book(s), a magazine or two, a popular blog and they think youre just rolling in dough,as opposed to working tirelessly and hustlin hustlin hustlin. I got more than a few friends who make all their income the same way..."activating"...and trust, I know waiting for them little royalty checks to trickle in (or for a school to pay you on time) when bills are looming aint cute at all.
Somebody gotta go talk to Farrakhan and them,and it ain't gonna be me. We ain't gotta agree all the time, but that doesnt mean it aint a relevant issue.Props to you and NBJC and the like for handling that.
Much respect for your grind,blood.
You got enough love out here not to let the drops of Haterade get you down.:)
best wishes,
Juba Kalamka
http://www.deepdickollective.com
http://www.sugartruckrecordings.com
http://www.peaceoutfestival.com
Asian Female
October 12 2005, 4:14PM
Keith Boykin for president.
Margaret Cho for vice president?
Etienne
October 12 2005, 4:27PM
Hey Keith!
You're simply brilliant and your hard work impacts people way beyond the american border.. And in my opinion, your courage and determination
should be THE true measure of a man..
Bravo!
Etienne
Toronto, Canada
Doug
October 12 2005, 4:51PM
Your well being is what is most important, Keith. Take care.
Doug
KeithR
October 12 2005, 4:59PM
Keith
You're a shining example of a gracious, intelligent, knowledgeable, and wise human being and we appreciate what you have done to represent us SGL Black men so admirably. Hope you'll continue to get the financial, logistic and spiritual backing you need to continue. I suppose the number of people clamoring for you is a measure of the enormous need that exists for all the good you have to offer.
fratman1906
October 12 2005, 5:04PM
Keith, you have been an advocate, spokesman, activist and champion for our noble cause. I certainly thank you for all that you have done and continue to do. You seem to handle greatness with ease, but I am sure that there is a price to pay for all of this. You must keep an eye on the bottom lines financially, physically, and emotionally. While I am saying this, I also give props to your partner, Nathan, who I am sure is making sacrifices during this critical time. We owe him a debt of gratitude for his willingness to share you with us. Take the time to do what you must do. Your books are the key not only to your financial security, but also the foundation upon which rational discourse on issues affecting the black, gay community must take place. I definitely salute your presence and give thanks to God for sending a prophet in our midst. Shem hotep!
Steve
October 12 2005, 5:30PM
Looks like turning 40 has had a profound, but typical, effect. My friends and I, all having hit 'the mark', have really begun to look inward and have had to ask and answer some really hard questions. What in our lives has become important? What is no longer important that we have spent way too much time on? Where should we be focusing our efforts, both professionally and personally? Some of us have started families, some have changed careers, some have just cried and had nervous breakdowns but I think the goal has been the same for us all....take what you've learned and try to shape the next 40 years so they become more fulfilling. So, just a note to let you know you aren't alone...the dialog you are having with yourself is not about straight or gay, black or white...it's about being a fulfilled human being. Good luck...it will be fine!
anthony davis
October 12 2005, 5:44PM
Everything that Keith wrote here is the main reason why I have such love,respect,and admiration for this man.He may not always be right and you may not always agree with his views but the one thing that you can always count on with him is that he gives of himself constantly. So for those who question his accomplishments based on his academic background take notice, because this man not only talks the talk but he also walks the walk.
alicia banks
October 12 2005, 6:19PM
dear keith:
thank u for all u do...
and no real work is ever paid or measured with dollars...
peace
ab
Moose
October 12 2005, 7:42PM
Dear Keith,
I don't always agree with your methods - I thought the recent "outing" campaign was a little too sensationalist - but I share your passion for this issue. The homophobia that is stoked up within people in the name of religion is truly terrifying, and I have enough first-hand experience of that to support you, ultimately, against any of your detractors. As such a public activist, it must feel like you're staring into the flames of hatred every day. I have no idea how draining that is. I have tremendous respect not necessarily for your eloquence, or your brain - I know plenty of people who have those, they are a dime-a-dozen - but for your guts. You can't teach courage and you have got it by the truckload. Much love, keep up the terrific work, and I wish you the very best. Take care.
Marlon
October 12 2005, 10:13PM
Keith, problem solved- I’m gonna win the lottery any day now! ;-)
“You'll have what's meant to be, All in time you'll see”
Unequivocally, luving your 'Boo' Nathan is most important!
A lesson learned: During my 7yr relationship, while desperately trying to ‘make it’ in life, I neglected the ‘maintanance’ (my boo)required. It’s so easy to assume - after several years – he’ll understand. Not!! Peace, bro!
Allow me to share the lyrics to Tell Him:
Tell him that the sun and moon
Rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper
Tender words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself
Touch him
With the gentleness you feel inside
Your love can't be denied
The truth will set you free
You'll have what's meant to be
All in time you'll see
Joey Hedgepeth
October 12 2005, 10:38PM
Hey Keith, I just wanted to say that I really appericate all that you do, and take from someone who doesn't have much money, don't stress b/c things will work out for you. I just know that they will :)
p.s. and slow down you're only one person.. take care Mr. Boykin. :)
phd2b11
October 13 2005, 12:47AM
Keith:
Do your thing! You take the weight for the majority of us, and I know it isn't easy. But you will never really know how much you are appreciated. Besides God and my man, I look forward to what you have to say each day. Thanks for continuing to hold up the light for us. We'll get there!
cody
October 13 2005, 3:50PM
Dude,
As of late we seldom agree. However, I do admire your courage. More folks should be so brave and committed.
Imagine a world where one's sexuality is not even an issue. Where equal means equal. Where the sex police and the sex obsessed didn't trip on what others did in their private lives.
Every movement has its warriors. Change happens because of them.
Like being a female cop, or a black judge, or a lady astronaut. We don't give those a second thought today because someone struggled.
You're doing the right thing. And change will happen because of you.
Just don't bite the big one before it does. Live to enjoy it.
Get some rest.
And, I'll continue challenging you when I think your wrong. No blind worship here.
In doing God's work.
He:
Shall renew your strength;
You shall mount up with wings like eagles,
You shall run and not be weary,
You shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:31
Neledi
October 14 2005, 1:21PM
Keith is a beast! One love black man, you've restored my faith in journalism. . .I'll see you soon
taylor Siluwé
October 15 2005, 11:24PM
I much needed breather is certainly in order ...
Bryant k.
October 18 2005, 11:04PM
I'm not a public figure, but understand the pull that you are speking about. I find myself often giving more than I am receiving. As you noted, one has to know when their cup is about to run over. The strangest thing that ever crossed my mind was I could ask for help? Not that you need "my" help, but if there is anything I could do to assit in any way to lighten the load, I would more than honered to assit you.
I know from my own experecie that asking for help has not been easy. And, when I accept the help, I have to be willing to let someone else in my life. Because I am a very private person, I am very selective about who I allow in my space. But, I have lost out on bulidng some relationships because I was too guarded. With that said, I am willing to assit you in a professional capacity (no charge) and in return, I could get a wealth of experince from someone who I higly respect as a writer and a advocate. I do not know you as a person, and don't pretend to, although we have spoken several times.
So, if your ever up to asking for help, I have extended an open invitation to you. And, I have stated up front my motivation for doing so (to learn and help another person at the same time when they are cleary in need of assistance)...take me up on the offer.
Sincelrey,
Bryant K., LMSW