Gay Teens Are Coming Out
By Keith Boykin, in sexuality
Monday, October 3 2005, 12:56AM
If you think it's easier to be young and gay today then it was in your day, think again. Time magazine explores the issue of gay teens in the cover story of its current issue. Time travels from the gay-positive Point Foundation to the anti-gay Exodus group to see what life is like for gay teens today.
In some ways, it must be easier for some gay teens to be open about their sexuality than it was 20 years ago when I was in high school. But in other ways, it must be harder for gay teens today because they are bombarded with more anti-gay messages than ever before. Yes, gays are more visible than ever before, but that's also generated a strong backlash that's drawn the anti-gay crowd out of the woodwork.
For all the victories, there are still many challenges. My friend Mark Smith, a 17-year-old black gay high school student in St. Louis, had to fight just to get a gay-straight alliance club started in his mostly black high school.
I was at the first day of class two years ago when the newly expanded Harvey Milk School for LGBT students opened its doors in New York. And I returned to Harvey Milk last year for "Career Day." It seems to me that gay teens have a lot more challenges than many adults recognize. That's why it's so disturbing to hear homophobes talk about protecting young people when those same homophobes don't seem to care about protecting the safety and the lives of young gays and lesbians.
Comments conceal
Mikey
October 3 2005, 2:23AM
I am a 21 year old gay male, so I know how hard it is coming out, especially back in high school. It's not easy - and so-called "Christians" are not making it any better; using the Bible to support thier homophobic ideas. Real Christians spread love and acceptance of ALL people regardless of thier sexual orientation!
Kenneth Winfrey
October 3 2005, 5:27AM
I was 14 (I'm 33) when I came out, in the midst of a firestorm about a very controversial relationship I had with a 19-year old man with whom I should have only had a professional relationship...
Even though there was a culture of tolerance at my high school, it was still something that wasn't frequently disucussed openly. Even after I came out, I don't recall ever being taunted or harrassed. I did date a couple of girls to see if I could change and be like other boys, but everyone seemed to be supportive of whatever I chose.
My problems were at home and on campus in college. Between my mother's shame, and the homophobia of Black faculty and students, I ended up pretty dissappointed after I graduated from high school. Things did get harder for me as people like Phelps and others started making the rounds to different universities.
The interesting thing about it was that my mother thought I was confused--which actually made me confused. And the people on campus made it all out to be a symptom of oppression and the result of slavery or assimilation into white society. Nobody seemed to really just accept that I was gay.
taylor Siluwé
October 3 2005, 8:21AM
(mikey)
I think Jesus was the last 'real' Christian. Since then, we've had some sad facsimilies.
It's shocking to realize it hasn't gotten any better, but now that I think about it ... it's really no surprise. We are basically in a battle ... and the enemy is this army of 'Christian' soldiers, who, with choice phrases highlighted in their bibles, are bent on our utter destruction.
There are more hypocrites out there ... purporting to be doing the work of God. Why not set our sights on them? Our real enemy here is the peoples selective view of the bible.
Why not shine a light on ALL the hypocrasy?
Bernie
October 3 2005, 10:32AM
To my mind, that any teenager anywhere is even considering coming out as an option, signifies a major societal shift. When I entered high school, now 30 years ago, coming out was not even on the agenda. Hiding deep in the closet or living in complete denial was the rule not just for me but for all of us.
B
October 3 2005, 11:58AM
Why are we so offended with the church people. I don't think its fair that we bager them anymore than they us. During the Vietnam war we used love as a means of defense, we made public statements with boycotts, sit-ins, and protest. But what a statement if we loved those who hate us. If we said as a nation of gays that we will attend your services, attended your conferences and love you until you advocated us and love us like your bible says. The way to fight a firey war ins't with fire but with water or a war of hate and discrimination with hate but equality and respect of one anthoer.
Steven Claiborne
October 3 2005, 12:30PM
After seeing this Time cover on your website it occured to me that while I am an openly gay black man, when I was a teenager I didn't even consider myself gay. It wasn't that I hadn't realized it yet, because I think I have known for as long as I can remember. However, growing up in Virginia, which is very conservative, I was ridiculed and harrassed on a daily basis. The word gay was thrown at me like it was the worst thing anyone could ever be. So as a means of defense against the constant torture I began to tell my peers that I wasn't gay. I said this on a daily basis for about 9 years. I said it so much that I began to forget that I really was gay. I mean back then I didn't have sex with men, no gay friends (that I knew of), and no balanced images of gay men in the media. It wasn't until high school that I started being honest with myself and having the courage to be honest at home. It helped that I started to see more images of gay men that showed me there was normality in my sexuality and I also started seeing balanced images of black gay men which included seeing you, Keith on the old BET talk show "Our Voices". Your appearance was inspiring and also the source of a heated debate between my grandmother (in her 50's at the time) and I (barely 17 at the time).
When I saw this story on the website it took me right back to those times and how scared and alone I felt. Whenever I have the opportunity to speak to a teenager coming to terms with their sexuality I try to be as supportive and sensitive as possible, realizing that I was once in that place as well without the example of a positive gay man to turn to or confide in.
ReganDuCasse
October 3 2005, 12:35PM
What's important here is that most people don't really KNOW gay people because they shun the opportunity and get violently insulted when a gay person is simply honest about it.
And the consequences and repercussions from disclosure can be devastating.
Gay teens expose a reality that most people have yet to come to terms with...
How inborn and strongly deep homosexuality is without much outer influence.
The simplest of observations of families, of social networks and that family gives the answers easily.
Regardless of culture, family structure, social network or religious situation- homosexuality happens.
It just happens, like heterosexuality just happens.
Anything else that people say about it, especially in the negative is weighted by myth, fear, ignorance and most often...lies.
Heterosexuals stack the debate by assuming it's all about THEM as the authentic sexual orientation, arrogated by holy writ.
Every sort of pogrom, osracism and violent enforcement has been employed to suppress homosexuality...to no avail.
Gay folks endure...and remain.
The most common sense approach to finally seeing gay people at the most honest and important situation for any debate to be put to rest once and for all.
ACCEPTANCE.
Acceptance that homosexuality is real, simple, morally neutral and not indicative of character.
These are facts of life that it's best to accept and MOVE ON.
I can't believe that after all this time, with such an indigenous and universal population symbiotic to all mankind...
We're STILL....stuck on stupid.
Wisdom
October 3 2005, 1:29PM
Some argue that with Teens, they are going through a phase to find their sexuality? Could this be the case? Many adults still struggle to find their true sexuality. Are we now saying that Teens are more knowledgeable and aware than an adult? If so, then are really assisting with the erosion of the next generation.
angryblackgirl
October 3 2005, 1:52PM
Why does this white boy have on African cowry shells?
Laura
October 3 2005, 5:18PM
"Are we now saying that Teens are more knowledgeable and aware than an adult? If so, then are really assisting with the erosion of the next generation."
LOL!
As if heterosexuals are EVER going to stop screwing, just because a few teens in a magazine say they are gay.
Really, the things people come up with to justify their anti-gay bigotry...
avi
October 4 2005, 4:58AM
if the cover says gay teens, how come there's just one? this totally highlights how uncomfortable people are with the diversity among lgbtqetcs.
jordan
October 27 2005, 3:19PM
this was really helpful, im only 15 years of age
but right now im writing a book called speaking through the tears its about the things ive gone throught how i came out, relationships ive had songs i wrote there will also be personal pictures in it ect. i hope to have a website for it soon to promote it.