Save Us From The Sex Police
By Keith Boykin, in sexuality
Friday, August 26 2005, 11:57AM
There's a new sheriff in town. They call him the sex police. No, I'm not making that up. A group called the Sex Party Police has created a new website to stop sex parties among black gay men. The anonymous website includes a form to notify the web master about a sex party in your community and it encourages readers to contact the local sheriff's office if they hear about a sex party. "These parties promote promiscuity, increases [sic] exposure to HIV and other STD's that are now rampant in the Black community," according to the site.
The effort to discourage HIV infection is laudable but the campaign against sex parties is completely misguided. Sex parties, by themselves, do not spread HIV. HIV is spread through unprotected sex with someone who is infected with the virus. That can happen at a sex party, in a park, or in the privacy of your own bedroom. Despite the message of the website, promiscuity is not the problem. Unprotected sex is. A man can have protected sex with a different partner every day for the rest of his life and never contract HIV, while another man could have unprotected sex once in his life and become infected the same day.
The effort to end sex parties seems more about enforcing moral values than about stopping the spread of HIV. The problem is that many men and women, heterosexual and homosexual, enjoy unprotected sex. Studies show that almost every American adult knows the dangers of HIV and knows how HIV is transmitted. If that's the case, then most of the people who have unprotected sex are knowingly accepting the risk. In the same way that Peter Jennings accepted the risk of lung cancer by smoking cigarettes, millions of Americans are accepting the risk of HIV and other sexually-transmitted diseases by having unprotected sex.
Here's the problem. Moralistic judgmental approaches to HIV prevention are destined to fail. Some of the people likely to be moved by those messages have already been reached, but the people we need to reach now are the people who consciously and knowingly accept the risk of HIV exposure. If you shut down sex parties, the people involved will only go somewhere else, and you miss the opportunity to provide safe sex messages at the parties themselves. And despite the misleading information on the Sex Party website, it is not illegal for a group of consenting adults to engage in sexual activity.
There's a larger problem here, and that is the inability of the established HIV community to create messages to influence those who still want to have unprotected sex. The old messages simply don't work for everyone. People have to want to protect themselves, and that won't happen because of a threat to call the police. If there's one good thing that comes out of this experiment, maybe it will provoke a conversation about why some adults choose not to engage in safe sex.
Other Sources
Comments conceal
Bernie
August 26 2005, 12:30PM
I don't think I like the anonymous nature of that website. Who's behind it and why? They want people to snitch on others without any repercussions. Seems very underhanded.
Furthermore, sex parties in and of themselves are not illegal. What consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home or that of a host is no one else's business. If the neighbors aren't being impacted, no laws are being violated. Calling police seems to be an extremely reactionary response.
If we truly want to help people, we need to educate them about safer sex practices, not criminalize their behavior. I think this website needs to be reported and stopped.
Jaun Mosby
August 26 2005, 1:04PM
What the fuck?!!!!
First of all, as Keith stated, sex among consenting adults is perfectly legal so I don't care who you call, the Sheriff's office, even the fucking President can't stop people from fucking!
I am so sick of these hypocritical, righteous right motherfuckers. We should hunt their pontificating asses down and lock them up!!!!
jazzi
August 26 2005, 1:24PM
I certainly don't want "sex police" or anyone else telling me what to do sexually. I'll make those decisions, thank you. However, I do think it's extremely imperative that we encourage people to make healthy choices. Of course everyone has the right to make whatever choices they want or take whatever risks they want but with HIV reaching crisis proportions in our community something needs to be done. Maybe if everyone got tested a few times before the party & agreed to share their results, that might be ok. Why not share the results? You going to share everything else!
Antwoine Williams
August 26 2005, 1:35PM
I would be the first to admit that I am not an advocate of "sex parties", however, I do find this idea of "The Sex Police" to be foolish.
But, let's be real, how much safe sex is actually taking place in those type of parties? I know that "condoms" are provided and other items, but what percentage of the particpants are using them? The fact is many people in our SGL community who are African-American are all to willing to have unprotected sex, most of whom are HIV positive themselves. And sad to say, these type of people are faithful patrons of "sex parties".
Nevertheless, for me it is more than about contracting a sexual transmitted disease, but it is more about pride and dignity of ones body. But, no one should have to go to jail or be interrupted by the "Sex Police" because they choose to dishonor their own body.
Just my two cents! Peace!
Cederico
August 26 2005, 7:40PM
I agree that the Sex Police idea is totally horrible. I further agree that finding new mesages to get people to protect themselves is definitely needed especially in light of the recent statistic that 46% of SGL black men are HIV-positive. That is beyond alarming...it is a crisis.
But I also want to point out to everyone that having morals is not a bad thing. I am gay and I consider myself a Christian. I have the same desires and wants as other gay men but I do believe that I should exercise self control and maybe establish some guidelines for sexual behavior. Contrary to opinion, having sex does involve consequences...good and bad. It can provide physical release, fulfil a fantasy, bring people closer, enhance intimacy in a relationship but it also can break relationships up (cheating), spread STD's, etc.
What I am saying is in our zeal to not condemn people for going to sex parties I think we swing to far. I will say it out loud...I think sex parties are wrong. I'm not anti pleasure but let's stop with the "it's all good" attitude. It's not all good....if it were then why do we get upset when our significant other screws some other person and lies about it.
Just my thoughts.
jazzi
August 26 2005, 8:30PM
Right on Antwoine & Cedrico! I would never deny anyone the right to do whatever they wish to do with their own bodies. I see it this way: your choices, your consequences! But we do need to show so consistency when warning people about the AIDS/HIV epidemic. You can't say it's ok to attend these parties & if you choose not to protect yourself, thats you & in the next breath pontificate about what HIV is doing to our community. Again, I think this sex policing is a bit extreme but we do need to police ourselves on an idividual basis. Here's to health & long life!
Befoul
August 26 2005, 8:45PM
I find it very disappointing that we as a community have come to accept sex parties as an OK environment. As someone that have attended sex parties in the past, alcohol and drugs were almost always present. You can't honestly believe that someone that have recently ejaculated at a sex party and then turn around and let someone suck his penis has gone to the bathroom, cleaned up and placed a condom on before the next brotha performs oral sex? I think the intention of the site is to deter people from the environment. Also Keith, I read the site and as any media source does to make their point, you left out many things. They never said sex parties by themselves spread HIV. They also pointed out that although condoms are present at the parties, they are not always used. But I do personally feel that these parties are vehicles that increase the spread of HIV. And one way to stop the spread of anything is to blow up the vehicle. It's that serious.
And for the poster that said sex parties aren't illegal, they are atleast in GA. I remember a sex party being raided and the brotha was charged for pimping.
Until we come to expect better behavior from our black men, unfortunately the spread of HIV will continue. Talking about HIV prevention to grown men and passing out condoms alone, IS NOT working. We need to DO more than provide lip service and 50 names on a letter that no one reads.
dream2.org
August 27 2005, 9:57AM
i hardly make comments, but i'm floored. so are bathhouses and bookstores a form of pimping? Are strip clubs a form of pimping? These people don't care about the spread of HIV, they just want to limit homosexuality. And what is it that the snitching is only directed towards black sex parties. Yea, that's the answer, let's put more black men in jail. What the fuck!
Shabaka
August 27 2005, 3:35PM
I can't help it but wonder when having sex was declared a crime!And who said sex was supposed to be entertained by two people only!!These parties might vehiculate the spread of STDs but so do strip clubs and peep shows and bathhouses as "dream2.org" pointed out! This is another attempt to control people.And for the record,46% of SGL black men aren't positive.But 46% of tested SGL men,not the whole damn population!
cmoney
August 27 2005, 5:46PM
Why don't we just ban sex?! Who's to say that two consenting adults are always having 100% safe sex? Let's make a website to report every time we think someone is having sex so that we can demonstrate outside of their bedroom! www.un-american-to-fuck-unless-you-are-a-straight-wasp.com It's about as dumb an idea as the sex party police website.
Cederico
August 27 2005, 9:00PM
It's true that the statistics are for the men who were tested in the cities chosen by the CDC. But the CDC declares they consider these numbers representive of all SGL black men. So I think we should rely a bit more on the experts who work with infectious disease and not be in denial about the extent of HIV in our community.
We need to get tested, use protection, and if we are positive then get proper treatment.
jazzi
August 27 2005, 9:49PM
I think it's high time some of us pull our heads out of our asses. Nobody said anything about banning sex. Sex is a beautiful expression of human emotion but in this day & age if one is not careful it could also be deadly. We need to think along the lines of what is safe & healthy for us in the long term, not just what feels good for the moment. Unfortunatly, these sex parties really don't encourage safe behavior & that is what we really need to focus on because we're being hit the hardest. It makes ZERO SENSE to sound an alarm about HIV & then turn around & engage & encourage unsafe behavior. No, we don't need the sex police. We need to police ourselves. Have fun, live life to the fullest but we need to let our intellects should guide us down a safe path. If not, then we DESERVE what we get for being so foolish.
Liquid Fonts
August 28 2005, 6:50AM
LMAO just noticed those penises
Bklynbro
August 28 2005, 2:37PM
I have to wonder (and laugh a little) if this new Sex Party Police thing is partly a result of the many insulted and pissed off Black gay men who call the police to bust sex parties after being refused entry because they were perceived as not being attractive, masculine, or muscled enough. And we all know about the fever a scorned biatch can serve. I've been told that rejected guys will call on their cellphones and watch the bust from across the street - howling. Some of the stories are hilarious! Sex parties can be very illegal for various reasons (charging for alcohol, illegal establishment, drugs, etc.) in many states and drugs are almost always present.
Also, I'm told by people who work for HIV/AIDS groups that go these parties for research that they are always just shocked and appalled by the unsafe debauchery that takes place. One director actually told me that he believes these parties are a major cause of HIV transmission.
DB
August 28 2005, 5:40PM
People will be people and do whatever they choose. If you change one life, then you've accomplished a major feat. However, you have to come correct. The same tactics won't work with everyone. That's mainly where groups like the Sex Party Police fail...... Sheer ignorance...someone doing whatever they can to be famous for doing nothing.
jazzi
August 28 2005, 8:47PM
The next time someone refuses to let you into their sex party because they don't think you are attractive enough or whatever, rather than be offended & pissed off, take as a blessing in diguise or maybe even a warning. You never know what you might be missing out on!
lanny
August 29 2005, 10:35PM
I happen to be a medical professional, and i just want to say the media or certain groups of people are carrying this AIDS talk a little too far.. they make it sound alarming out of proportion..the HIV virus is blood borne it will not pass through sweat saliva or bodily contact, their has to be blood/semen present and if men are using protection in both oral and anal sex they dont stand the chance of catching the virus its not like the common cold virus..bottom line.. condoms and common sense are safe.. banning sex parties is nonsense cause hey.. sex will happen anyway.. we as indivuduals got to be educated and use our senses and of course avoid drugs that will impair our sense of judgement. dag1765@yahoo..
Redd
August 31 2005, 4:43PM
I've been reading the comments with great interest. We are in a time of great moral decline and rules are no longer acceptable. Everybody can just do whatever they want, screw whoever they want, lick whoever they want and infect whoever they want. It's all good. HELL NO!!! Grow up. No there shouldn't be any sex police but if you are immature enough and nasty enough to think you should be able to have "free sex" with whomever whenever you please, you need policing. That's the very reason why HIV/AIDS is spreading so fast in our community. We don't want rules. We think morality means no pleasure and responsibility means living in reality not fantasy. It's time out for that. The more sex parties we allow, the easier we make it to engage in unlimited sexual perversion. You mean to tell me that you want to risk 5 minutes and shave possibly 50 years from your life so you can have unprotected, casual, virus and bacteria-filled sex with someone. Why? Their mouth is a little wetter or their hole is a little tighter? Give me a break
Tommy
September 1 2005, 3:56AM
I think the Sex Party Police site is very creepy. The website is totally anonymous with no webmaster. The website is soliciting addresses of alleged sex parties that are frequented by gay black man. It seems to me that this could be an intelligence gathering operation by some white supremacist homophobic hate group. It is not unreasonable to consider that the "Sex Party Police" may show up at one of these parties dressed in white hoods rather than police uniforms. I'm scared.