The Big Down Low Lie

Kola Boof
August 4 2003, 4:29AM

Keith, this is a fabulously written essay...and I agree with you enthusiastically. But from my own personal pain as a "black female" who grew up in TWO sexually repressive black cultures (first in Sudan--then in black America), I'd like to expand on some of the things you said.

And allow me to offer that I am pregnant now by a wonderful black man that I love...I already have two boys by this man. I BELIEVE he is "straight"...but at the same time...I wouldn't be shocked if he one evening ducked down a dark alley and allowed a very pretty, feminine "trans-girl" to blow him off (as is so regularly offered to the buff, macho-looking black guys by such "sistohs"). And perhaps from that "good blow"...he might stand her/him up and turn her around and get some anal pudding...something he can't get from Kola.

This "casual exciting nut" is part of human nature and goes beyond sexuality.

But that's not my point. My points are myriads of a collective, and for the sake of comprehension, I'll try to pose them in a stream of consciousness...beat style. This is SO important to me...that you understand what I have to say. Because for my entire life...I have been carrying a very extraordinary pain around this long ignored issue in the global black community of "sexual oppression"...and this has EVERYTHING to do with the subject at hand..."the down low".

I will start in America. I will ramble, no time to edit.

IN AMERICA...I have noticed that "black" humans are...grossly "sexualized" (defined by sex) (especially males) by the fearful (and bland) dominant culture to the point of having a baroque unnatural sexual identity...one that has become one of the few "positive" admirations through which the blue eye looks upon the dark flesh. Naturally, being so dis-allowed and devalued as "humans"...Black Americans welcome this Over-sexualization Trophy that goes, usually, to their Stud-Mack-daddy...and have taken pride in it (just as they take pride dominating sports--or being the best dancers--whatever the dominant culture ISSUES them as their "lot")....it (the over sexualization) has become something in the community that is "silently" placed on a pedestal...and allowed to pass as part of IDENTITY.

When I was a baby in Sudan, Keith...my vagina was "marked" by Islamic Mullah Ritual and "sewn up"...to remain "sewn shut"....until "A MAN" purchased marriage rights from my father with a "dowry" (money that goes to my father). Of course, since this is normal for Sudan...I didn't know I was marked until my Black American parents adopted me.

Once in America...I (along with my new black American sister) was "molested". Not penetrated, but forced (at age 12) to sit on a bed (With my sister) while a family friend (around 40) J-offed in our "little girl" faces and then URINATED on us while moaning, "Oh babygirls, babygirls!"

Of course our parents were outraged when they found that a good family friend had done this...BUT...in typical "black neighborhood fashion"...nothing substantial whatsoever happened to this man. He went on about his business...while my sister and I were "scarred" forever.

EVEN MORE SHOCKING, Keith...are the millions of LITTLE BLACK BOYS in our community who are molested (and let's not forget..young boys often molest other young boys)...and because they are MALE...they cannot come forward and "tell" what has happened to them.

Not even to another male.

It becomes a secret that torments them...and all the while, "sexualization" is PROMOTED in our community....older black men routinely "egg" on 10 and 12 year old black boys to carry out sexual acts on neighborhood girls...or crack prostitutes...OUR HIP HOP music glorifies this image. The children, in America, run the "elders"...so no one really polices these misogynist "sexualized" images that are fed...24/7....more to black children than to any other children in the world.

O.K....now we have a culture of "sexualization"....RAMPANT in the black community.

Homosexuals are part of the Black Experience...PERIOD. Black men are "criticized" if they aren't "getting enough sex"....hitt'n it...they are TAUGHT to use sex as a measuring stick for "accomplishment".

Add to that...an obsession with "LOOKS" in the black community. Poorest people you see have on the best shoes! Designer jackets!

In the gay community...I have observed that this obsession with "LOOKS" is twice as bad!!

WHITE...generally...is always "superior" no matter how black-talking the black face.....AND SO....you black people don't feel a thing when they "wipe themselves off on another naked black person"...and then up and leave that person to seek out the next...conquest.

Because although nobody mentions it Keith...many of our people believe that "true love" is only DESERVED by the flying hair people. BLACKS are just chattel to be used, rubbed up against, lied to and discarded like a familiar but boring SHADOW.

Many of our youth have this mentality.

Add to that the fact that we do not...especially in the black community....protect our children (both male and female). Black America...is the only place ON EARTH where 70% of the children are raised by single mothers. Many black men, naturally, blame this on black women....but as an African, I have observed that in America...there is a deep hostile hatred against Black women (by black men) stemming from the fact that...the women are BLACK and have "African" hair. By naked eye...by naked eye...you can go through any black community and the women who are the darkest, most African looking are...the worst off. So our self-hatred is not only undeniable, but our REFUSAL to protect black children (think Latasha Harlins!--her murderer got 5 years probation and we allowed it!) is now legend. Notice that R. Kelly can star in a video "urinating" on a 14 year old BLACK CHILD...and still be the toast of the community...selling more records than he ever did.

BOYS, Keith...are even LESS protected...because we do not acknowledge that they should have a period of "innocence" in their lives. They are "pressured" to be....top Mack Daddy.

And because we are a sexualized people (because the dominant culture allows us to be PROUD of our "penis" size--but not our brain)...and because we DO NOT, as a community, protect black children (because, honestly, we don't VALUE blackness in any form...the "invisible" status of the Blue Black woman being the most highest evidence of that--**None of us want to touch her or KNOW her...because you see, she is ALL OF US...PUT TOGETHER..and she gives birth to PURE US).

A culture of "sexualization"...which mainly pressures Black males to be....

The All American Boy, Shaka Zulu and JAMES BOND (who's got 12 ho's) all rolled into one!

The black church being nothing but rhetoric...and NO LOVE.

...any God I ever found in Church...I took in with me. (Alice Walker)

It's a vicious circle.

You spoke of women's denial about "their men". That, Keith, is the true legacy of sexism in world history. WOMEN are RAISED (no matter where you go on earth) to be...."delusional" about their relationships with men. I assure you that men...because of their insecurities about being men...would not take women any other way. ESPECIALLY among people of Africoid races (in Africa--they infibulate us/in America, our brothers can rape us and urinate on us in public and then have it overlooked)..where the black woman is expected to "protect" the man at all costs...and close ranks on anyone who dare shatters his "illusion" of being perfect...in his own eyes. White people call it "ego". And amongst "straight" men...who are less in touch with their feminine side than even the most macho gay man is....it is a Reality. This is why women love "gay male friends"...because these men are more sensitive to the female's emotional EXPERIENCE. He acknowledges that she has one.

And as I've been rambling, I end now with the poor wandering "She-Male" who is so dis-allowed by our society...that her only way of gaining "intimacy"...is by leading macho, buff ("girl, they have to be Straight!") black men....into dark secret places....and sucking them off. And I believe that MANY black men engage in this...it can be behind 7-Eleven....FREE....living in Los Angeles, I've walked up on this several times in the last few years.

and they "look like real girls"...and they are so mistreated and unloved by our society....that they bend over backwards to do ANYTHING to get a man off. Just to have been with one, you understand.

FAT PEOPLE medicate themselves with food. Black males in America often medicate themselves by taking advantage of the "sexualization card"....the Big Black D....they "get wet"...

and for many of them, they can't get wet enough.

You're right. It's nobody's fault.

And I don't care who comes in here to say that this is not "limited" to the Black community.

I HAVE LIVED HERE 20 years....I see with my own eyes that.....no other people HERE.....are as "sexualized" (defined by sex)..."unprotected"..."unloved"....and utterly LOST

as the Black ones.

Now imagine being black....AND GAY on top of it.

But we're in DENIAL.

Kola Boof
August 4 2003, 4:38AM

By the way, Keith.

That photo of the Black STUD that you used in the essay...has gotten me so turned on....that I shall now wake up my own in-house black stud...

and tease him into banging me into dreamland.

As always...you've got the best photos, love.

Guest
August 4 2003, 8:49AM

For some strange there's anger and frustration in what was written but still no clear definitive answers. Why? Why isn't the idea of the DL seen as deep as it is? That it is directly related to racism and sexism in the world? No, we as black men are never going to be equal to white male counterparts because of the undeserved undue pressure of white machinations and gimicks such as DL and all the other labels we all know too too well. When does the truth ever get told? Mr. Boykin your speechs or writings will only serve you until you decide to come down from your ivory tower and be about what you speak; in the ghetto, in the streets, all over the world?
This same week also was the same week in which someone of color was hanged. No one spoke on it. Another huge indication that we have come no where near the word progress or anywhere ahead of where we should be.
DL may be a lie but who is willing to not only tell but be about the truth?

Cool
August 4 2003, 10:13AM

Keith, my brotha; You sound angry here. Rightfully so, I want to add.

You, and the pastor at my church, I am glad I don't know personally. That way when you're on point, when you come correct, in a major way and I agree with you, it's not a kiss up or celebrity worship thing. Being correct is just being correct.

What I hate about the NYT Magazine DL article is:
(1) the white media's attempt to pretend it has done deep investigative reporting, risked life and limb, scurrying through the bowels of a dangerous and mysterious new 'sub culture' to uncover a new "the hidden truth;” kinda like "white mayor secretly heads Klan sect," or "JFK, alive on deserted island."

(2) a white person's attempt to put an exotic spin on an aspect of Black culture that they are either excluded from or just don't understand. The brothers that the white reporter talked to did not find white men attractive and it freaks whites out when they are not the center of our desires and aspirations.

It’s been well reported that men have been having sex with other men since the Old Testament's telling of Abraham and his clan fleeing Sodom and Gomorrah after the men in these cities expressed intense desires to put a hurting on the fresh new trade in town; acts so titillating one woman couldn’t resist looking back and got more than an eye full. These men did not run home and announce to their wives and neighbors what they were up to either and everybody paid for it: The world’s first Down Low. It’s been happening everywhere every since. It’s called The Closet!

Did the media really discover something new or are they just trying to capitalize on the marketing success stories of E. Lynn Harris and James Harding at the expense of dividing and spreading fear in the black community? Y’all know selling papers is a business too.

Cool
August 4 2003, 10:33AM

Point two Keith,

(Take note Bola. Your post is way too long to read. Break that shit up)

Black women have to take some responsibility for their actions as much as brothas do. They can’t live the “Sex In The City,” lifestyle and not expect major consequences. Same as everyone else if you don’t absolutely know whom you’re tossing your legs in the air for, protect yourself, or don’t do it. And don’t do it unprotected with someone you don’t trust, even if you married him.

In this, the post Roe vs. Wade era, single women and wives have more then ever exercised their right to “just say no.” They’ve taken sole ownership of their bodies. That could be the reason so many brothers have turned to the DL. Who wants to be bothered with no all the damn time?

I think the women who confronted you were just looking for a scapegoat for their own heartache. You owed them nothing but the truth. (by the way: scapegoating was introduced in the Old Testament too). Ain’t Nothing New Under the Sun, and that ain’t even original.

Guest
August 4 2003, 11:32AM

A better story on all this would have been people and their refusal to deal with life and the real world.

Michael Whitley
August 4 2003, 12:34PM

I don't believe there is such a thing as preventing HIV. I don't believe just because some white or black person writes an article about the “downlow” or reveal what he thinks is a hidden culture, explains anything. It is what it is. People do what they do. AIDS talk should be about finding a cure and not the blame game. No one blames you if you get cancer, even if it's from smoking; we just sue the cigarette companies. No one blames you if you die from a heart attack from all those years of red meat and not exercising. Whatever happened to individual responsibility?

AIDS is just a virus, a parasite looking for a home. It doesn't care about the body or why, because it doesn't have feelings or an agenda, just a survival instinct. AIDS is not human. Cancer is not human. Parkinson disease is not human. They are just diseases that happen to the human body. People say AIDS is a choice, that it can be prevented. I wonder if that is true or if just like Cancer or any other human ailment, it's something else if it happens to you, and that you’ll have to deal. We all die. No one makes it out of life alive. Something or someone has transition us out and how we die is just a technicality. AS I get older, I’m beginning to realize, we don't chose what we chose, even when we choosing it. I think it's mighty arrogant for anyone to think they can prevent death, disease, suffering or heartbreak. WE can try our damnest, but all we can really do is just pick up the pieces and try to heal. We should be demanding a cure and not playing the blame game.

dasouth
August 4 2003, 1:05PM

I am also sick and tired of the "DL" stories. The NYT artical was like a white tourist guide to the secret lives of black men. Please! White men are doing the same thing. They just don't call it "DL" What angers me the most is the fact that everyone blames "DL" men for the spread of HIV in the black community. We here the satistics all the time. But has anyone ever really looked at how the numbers came about? I mean, think about it. Of coures the infection rate numbers are going to be high among black women when all of a sudden everyone is being tested at the same time. From all my readings about HIV transmission in the so called hetro community, many of the black women contracted HIV from IV drug use. And yes, many have contracted HIV thorugh there boyfriends and husbands. But no knows for sure if the boyfriends or husbands contracted HIV from women they had or have on the side or from prostitues. It is no secret that men are highly sex---get, get , get is the modern day mantra. As is today, it was the same in 1900, 1800, 1700----back before time was recorded. So please stop this blame-game shyt.

Guest
August 4 2003, 1:32PM

Michael Whitley's post on here needs to be re-read a few times until the whole world, yep, until the world gets it. It's about finding getting and seeking a cure. Thats it. Bottomline. End of the story.

dasouth
August 4 2003, 1:33PM

Keith, please find a way to express your views on TV--e.g CNN, The Today Show, Oprah. ect.. People need to here other voices on issues that you express here on your web site. The mainstream meida--Read White--is so bias. We need thinkers like you to tell other views. Much blessings to you.

Oh, sorry about grammer errors in my comment above. I just wanted to get my views out of my mind quickly.

whitney harris
August 4 2003, 1:41PM

Keith,

Your essay is both challenging and inspiring. How often I remind myself that pointing the finger or attempting to assign blame does not get us in fahter down the road towards a sane society where people can live sane lives.

What is the name of the book that will be appearing in 04/04.

Again, Keith, I always find you inspiring.

Peace,

Whitney Harris

Cederico
August 4 2003, 2:08PM

We might not want to hear this but what happened to just telling the truth. There are people on the "DL" in all communities not just black, but that doesn't excuse the fact that these men are lying to themselves and to their female sexual partners.

If we are gonna promote a gay black community then we gotta promote honesty and visibility. We gotta stop defending the closet (which is what the DL is) and start promoting the idea that its okay to be an out and proud gay/bisexual man.

I do agree that we gotta stop just "blaming". That will not really help reconcilliation. But we gotta be careful not to condone a lifestyle of dishonesty which only results in hurt. I know many people on the DL. They are not happy...many are ashamed and afraid. But many are also in major denial...they will yell me down if I even sugest they be more open about their sexuality. It is so sad that some people cannot even admit they are into other men or are so afraid to be identified as homosexual/gay.

Maybe by the gsy black community promoting a open life free of the guilt, the shame, whatever these people can make their way out of the closet. Maybe if we work on increasing exceptance of gays and lesbians in black communities they will feel free to be themselves. But if we foster a culture we were accept the DL as okay/cool then we aren't helping anyone.

Kola Boof
August 4 2003, 2:14PM

Dear Mr. "Cool"--please don't refer to me as "Bola".

And very briefly...my point was (now that it's hours later and I feel less emotional)

1) A cult of mass molestation (or exposure to over-sexualized images) creates....a cult of "promiscuity".

2) Racism and sexism, both, have denigrated black self-image and created a MASS loathing for blackness....blacks WIPE themselves off on other blacks and go to the next one...but reserve "true love and respect" for OTHERS. I once heard a black gay man say: "Once you've slept with one black man, you've slept with them all".

Consider the sheer recklessness of that mentality.

3) A recent study of teenaged black females revealed that 92% are "resigned" to the belief that they will "never be married". Therefore, these girls are more apt to allow men to use their bodies for sex--the girls have been socialized to believe that they don't deserve any better.

SUMMARY: The issue of "the down low"....is greatly affected by the cult of Over-sexualization that surrounds it in the Black Community itself.

The community has a problem, in general, because black people are "sexualized" and have learned to covet that particular trophy...rather than collectively take responsibility for the damage that it does to our psyche--and not least of all our children.

And for the record, Cool...."GAYS" must be responsible for black children as well as anyone else. The black community is 62% kids and teens! Your cynicism is something that no black woman can "take responsibility" for--my brother.

Guest
August 4 2003, 3:27PM

How convenient it is to have all this media attention to the phrase D.L. at the same time as Black Pride...Hmmm, somethings up with that but nobodys supposed to say or know nothing. Thank you Mr. Whitey (media) and his black lackeys for trying to trying it but no we're not buying it.
I'll wait for the movie; meanwhile I'm keeping it real.

Donald B
August 5 2003, 12:02AM

Keith, thank you for saying SOOOOO many things that were on my mind i.e.-there's no diffence between DL and what we used to call being in the closet; it would be such a better use of time to empower all black woman instead of vilifying a small group of black men; I too am sick of all this DL stuff, it's just stuff to provide a cheap thrill to straight people.

Terry
August 5 2003, 3:06AM

As I can only expect from you Keith, well written, well said, well mentioned, and well pointed out. I can only agree with you on this subject of BLAME, we are so quick to point the fingers at others for our own carelessness. I for one do sympathize with the Sisters who are married to man that are on the DL, or anyone for that matter, that think the man she/he has, is all she/he has. Only to find out, that he has another, even if you are gay, bi, straith or whatever, the point is,"Who wouldn't feel hurt, if their partner was sneaking around on them?"
Another thing I want to point out is the misconception of so few good black men. Yeah, there are a few bone heads in our family, but that's the case in any race or group. This thing about, not enough good African men to go around is a false statement, that I've heard so many people make. One tone, they want an African Brother, then an another tone, they want him to be like Ward Cleaver. Or, he just becomes a target for the social problems we have. Also, good one for making the comment so many gays wanting the strg8 acting or mauscline male (what ever that means or what ever they are talking about), because I still don't understand the label, "Strg8 Acting." I mean, I hope I don't blast anyones bubble, but to be strg8 acting, doesn't that mean you are to have a heterosexual lifestyle/partner too? Sorry for the labels, but, again, people need to just let people be. The reason, my focus has been on studing my Ancient Nubian background and about my Ancestors.
Love and Peace to all
Terry

Dallas
August 5 2003, 4:25AM

This is why the gay lifestyle will always be hated and rejected in all societies. What good ever comes from it except innocent people being infected with AIDS and very bad television fashion?

Guest
August 5 2003, 9:10AM

I got the D.L. boogie woogie and I got it bad
I got the D.L. boogie woogie and that aint good
I wanna wear my pants baggy and get a blow job in the dark, in parks anywhere I can hide and just be me, me from the hood!

James
August 5 2003, 10:03AM

It's not the job of the media to report what we want to hear, but to report what "is". And unfortunately, this whole downlow phenomenon is part of the world we live in now.

James
August 5 2003, 10:11AM

I think in this case, the media is actually performing a public service -- educating millions of unsuspecting women and children about this insidious downlow lifestyle and its destructive consequences -- DEATH, the breakup of families, lies and deception. WHERE'S THE LOVE?

Guest
August 5 2003, 10:15AM

uh oh, does this sudden DL report hike the price of a good thug escort sandwhich? I used to pay fifty now it'll suddenly go up: What I gonna do? What I gonna do?

Beck
August 5 2003, 12:05PM

First of all what is DL anyway. Most people have this misinterpretations of the true meaning. Most of the Gay, Bi population will say they're DL simply because it makes them more appealing to other men (that fantasy of being with a real man, a thug). When people use DL (or even thug) in the gay world most of the time they really mean Masculine. I'll pose this question: IF a guy is "DL" and knows 50 other guys that are "DL" doesn't it defeat the purpose? Guys on DL aren't going to gay clubs or using the internet or chat lines to find other dudes. And DL isnt a secret code for "straight" guys getting off with other "straight" guys. If your a dude that bones other dudes your gay or bi, period. There's a lot of denial in that. A DL world exists, but it's not this one that's being chronicled or "figured out."
Second, a lot of blame should be placed on the shoulder's of men. It's a Man's unwillingness to commit that causes a lot of problems, his inability to be intimate, and the lack of self-control. For some strange reason there's this stigma about gays (that all gay men do is hook up and have sex with a bunch of different people) i can't be the only one that understand's its not a gay thing its a Guy thing. Most men straight, gay, bi just have sex to have sex and won't say no and then rationalize the actions by saying "i'm a man, this is how we do." A "straight" man can have a bangin wife, 2 kids well taken care of, house clean, food on the table every night when he gets home, wifey is in bed ready to bone when he gets home, and he'll still cheat on her, not for lack of love but just because he can...and he can get away with it. "A man is only as faithful as his options" - Chris Rock

alicia banks
August 5 2003, 1:09PM

my dear beaiutiful brother warrior keith:

i love your column as always

and i am sorry the sistas chose to vent their rage upon you...the most qualified and eloquent member of any such panel

i agree with my sista kola..
ALL black sexuality is on the down low in general is a racist, sexist, homohating, delusional, hypocritcal, hedonist, dishonest etc...amerikkka

men lie about being pimps and playas
the very same way they lie wbout being gay/bi

because most women are disposable and most men are lying cowards...

and do not forget the DL sistas who abound in the real world also...only because lesbians are eroticized by het men and less infected by AIDS do they escape this DL media bias...

see more in
"the low down on the down low"
at
eloquent fury

peace
ab

alicia banks
August 5 2003, 1:12PM

ps:

as long as we blame gay men for aids infections

we can ignore the fact that aids was created by the us govt expressly to kill africans and gays...

how do u mask genocide?
mask bio war with DL bs!

see more on the bio war of aids at eloquent fury
peace
ab

Bedstuyguy
August 5 2003, 2:07PM

I am tired off all of these conspiracy theories about AIDS in the black community. There is little, if any evidence to prove that the United States government created the AIDS virus to expressly kill gays and Africans.

These theories are just another of form of denial and demonstrate the unwillingness of some blacks to take responsibility for their own lives and health.

Cederico
August 5 2003, 2:58PM

"And DL isnt a secret code for "straight" guys getting off with other "straight" guys. If your a dude that bones other dudes your gay or bi, period. There's a lot of denial in that."

You are right about that. All I see in the DL is denial which is very self destructive.

Cool
August 5 2003, 2:58PM

Interesting thing about bringing this DL, closeted, or simply just clandestine black gay lifestyle out into the open is now every fat, old, out-of-shape, pot-belly, toothless, dirty-butt-crack, belching, burping, crotch-scratching, trifling black man is going to think any gay or DL brother is looking a them amorously.

Don’t make me puke.

Most of the pigs out there who women accept, the average self-respecting gay brotha wouldn’t be bothered with even if they were gay.

alicia banks
August 5 2003, 3:05PM

c:
your denial will never protect you!
fyi
ab

This is not a conspiracy theory!!! This is documented fact!!! Hundreds of books on AIDS include reprints of actual government documents and classified medical advertisements etc., which PROVE that the U. S. government created AIDS.

I quote Behold A Pale Horse by Milton William Cooper. “ The plan is a part of Global 2000. In 1969, the U. S. Defense Department got 10 million dollars to make the AIDS virus as a weapon to be used mainly against Blacks. In 1977, the World Health Organization injected AIDS laced smallpox vaccine into over 100 million Africans. In 1978, the Centers For Disease Control in New York City laced AIDS into hepatitis B vaccines given to 200 white gay men.”

I quote The Strecker Research Group (1-213-344-8039) “AIDS is a man made disease, made to kill Black people, in U. S. government labs at Fort Detrick, Maryland, in Building 550 in the P4 lab. In the mid 1970’s, the World Bank designated huge areas of Africa as the ‘Fourth World’. The intent was simple, to kill off the excess population of ‘useless eaters’ through starvation and disease. Blacks are more affected because of their lower OKT4 cell count, thus making AIDS an ethnic weapon.”

HUNDREDS of books document the truth about AIDS. Seek knowledge. Read them!!! Your gaybashing will never protect you from your government. As long as we continue to scapegoat gays, U. S. government scientists will continue to create such genocidal germs without challenge and without cures.

The New World Order is in progress. The Revolution is in the streets...

For more information on the bio-war of AIDS, read:

AIDS: Made in the USA
by Zears Miles Jr.

Emerging Viruses: AIDS & Ebola - Nature, Accident, or Intentional?
by Leonard Horowitz

Cooll
August 5 2003, 3:08PM

Oh, I forgot to add, nonspelling, farting, low-IQ, underacheiving, scum.

I get pissed just thinking, they would think, anybody but their woman, or their mama, would want them.

Ephraim
August 5 2003, 3:32PM

Keith,

This is not new. This is not news either. How long have we known the simple facts about the ways that HIV is spread? To blame the spread of HIV on the down low lifestyle is too simplistic a view.

In 1988 there was an article in the Voice, when people still paid to read the Village Voice, that spoke to the specific cultural issues facing women of color and the spread of Aids and HIV. Until women are able to take a stand on their own behalf and demand the use of condoms in their relationships, the way we as gay men have had to do, then of course there will continued to be a steady spread of HIV in women in our community.

There has always existed a double standard for Black women. A double standard they've been brought up with, and in some cases embrace. A woman who is in a monogamous relationship with a man, and then brings up condoms has to justify her position. She may find herself vilified by the very person she must negotiate her stand with, her partner. She has to make the choice of fighting for her health or accepting the imposed status quo. How can she voice her fears without also acknowledging that her partner may be being unfaithful to her?

How would she address the double standard? It's hard enough drawing up boundaries in a homosexual relationship, but for a woman, who has introduced the subject, there is no going back to what may have been a peaceful, yet dishonest existence. She may rationalize a fear of the fallout from facing the facts that her monogamous relationship is more of a concept than a reality.

I have heard it time and again from my friends who are women. A woman may find herself open to mental and physical abuse. "Only a whore would ask me to use a condom." is the common response to her concerns. With her morality questioned many women find it hard to stand their ground. This is especially hard for women who are brought up in the church, as are many of us. The Church with it's unrealistic rules, dogma, and mixed message morality discourages honest discussions about sexuality. Just think of how long it took the church to become even a peripheral partner in the fight against AIDS.

I am not attempting to place blame. I'm only saying that until women are advocates for their own lives, and for their own health and well being, there won't been a sharp decline in the infection rate in African American Women, down low or no down low.

As you've said, at least the discussion may have begun. It certainly has taken long enough to get started.

Ephraim
August 5 2003, 3:32PM

Keith,

This is not new. This is not news either. How long have we known the simple facts about the ways that HIV is spread? To blame the spread of HIV on the down low lifestyle is too simplistic a view.

In 1988 there was an article in the Voice, when people still paid to read the Village Voice, that spoke to the specific cultural issues facing women of color and the spread of Aids and HIV. Until women are able to take a stand on their own behalf and demand the use of condoms in their relationships, the way we as gay men have had to do, then of course there will continued to be a steady spread of HIV in women in our community.

There has always existed a double standard for Black women. A double standard they've been brought up with, and in some cases embrace. A woman who is in a monogamous relationship with a man, and then brings up condoms has to justify her position. She may find herself vilified by the very person she must negotiate her stand with, her partner. She has to make the choice of fighting for her health or accepting the imposed status quo. How can she voice her fears without also acknowledging that her partner may be being unfaithful to her?

How would she address the double standard? It's hard enough drawing up boundaries in a homosexual relationship, but for a woman, who has introduced the subject, there is no going back to what may have been a peaceful, yet dishonest existence. She may rationalize a fear of the fallout from facing the facts that her monogamous relationship is more of a concept than a reality.

I have heard it time and again from my friends who are women. A woman may find herself open to mental and physical abuse. "Only a whore would ask me to use a condom." is the common response to her concerns. With her morality questioned many women find it hard to stand their ground. This is especially hard for women who are brought up in the church, as are many of us. The Church with it's unrealistic rules, dogma, and mixed message morality discourages honest discussions about sexuality. Just think of how long it took the church to become even a peripheral partner in the fight against AIDS.

I am not attempting to place blame. I'm only saying that until women are advocates for their own lives, and for their own health and well being, there won't been a sharp decline in the infection rate in African American Women, down low or no down low.

As you've said, at least the discussion may have begun. It certainly has taken long enough to get started.

Guest
August 5 2003, 3:56PM

Is Shemar Moore and Kermit the frog still D.L. because if they are I will highly upset!

Jeff
August 5 2003, 6:50PM

I agree with you cool. I mean when Shabba Ranks and Biggie were rappin' negatively towards gays, I really thought to myself they have a lot of nerve since both of them are ugly as hell. The arrogance of some heterosexual males to think we want them. You see it all the time..their sense of entitlement with women. You see them whistling and looking at women like pieces of meat. I understand what women go through in regards to unwanted attention from men they wouldn't even give the time of day to. Well gay men certainly don't want those kind of men either. As a matter of fact, women might stand for these type of men.

Beck
August 5 2003, 7:40PM

One thing that must be re-iterated is that the responsibility is most definitely on the individual. We are completely and utterly responsible for ourselves, if we aren't how can we expect someone else to be. People lie about little things without any sense of culpability. bs like who ate the last cookie, how much my shoes cost, going out with friends. if one can't handle the little things, cant handle the big things, thus we can't expect someone to be truthful about having HIV...certainly its an idealism that everyone would be honest with everyone else, that should be the one basic fundamentalism in being human: the only thing we all owe each other is in fact the truth...but life isn't ideal and total responsibility lies within ourselves... how or why hiv began and is here isnt so much important now as why it's spreading rapidly...and it's spreading, because we don't value ourselves enough to protect ourselves, that's our own fault.

MM
August 5 2003, 7:54PM

The bottom line is we have to take responsibilty for ourselves and protect ourselves. The sad part about all of this is no one seems to be very concerned about how or whom is trying to help the DL brothers deal with HIV. This society has alway been a bitter enemy to black males. Being black nd male is hard enough in this country. So many black males are not going to come out because of the discrimination agaisnt gays. Also what is extremely sad to me is that White Gays have more political clout as a group than Blacks have as a race. They will more than likely get the right to legally marry long before we ever get reparations or a home loan at a fair interest rate. Black women are very angry and most are hurt. We as Black men regardless of sexual orientation have to stand up and be responsible for themselves and their families

Realgood Blackman
August 5 2003, 8:36PM

Thank you my Brother for sheading the real light on the subject. Instead of looking at life through rose colored glasses, each and every one of us needs to accept responsibility for our own sexual actions and let the blame begin with self, where it belongs!

Guest
August 6 2003, 8:43AM

OKAY, Lets' see, we'll use the words Down Low and DL and we'll get this young but gay white writer to do it and we'll splash it across the headlines and we'll do the black and white photos with the street sceene stuff and voila! Mass confusion and mega bucks! Yea!!!! Lets do it!

JG
August 6 2003, 5:28PM

Black. Gay. Male. Three little words which evoke so many big, ugly, painful thoughts, feelings and images. Why? Because at the bottom of this wholly debasing discourse into the private sex lives of black gay men lies the barely mentioned, often overlooked issue of self-esteem. How much easier is it to point the finger than to take a good look inside? "DL culture is about having fun..." What's so enjoyable about lying and being in constant denial of your natural inclinations? For years I attempted to be "ideal" black man -- B.A., M.F.A., Married the not-so-black-looking-black-girl, while still "keeping it real on the streets". I never so much as even kissed a boy when I was dealing with women.

After my divorce, I knew where I was headed, but dug my heels in deep and resisted the inveitable pull as best I could. The pressure was too much and getting off to men fucking on screen just wasn't cutting in after a while, so I ventured out. I met a guy and went home with him. Did my family know about this? No. Did my ex-wife or our close friends have a clue? Perhaps, but what other people think of you is inconsequential to what you think of yourself. It wasn't until 3 years later, after sleeping with the same guy exclusively for 6 months, after being laid on my back with pneumonia, that I picked up the phone and told someone in my life what the hell was going on with me.

Lack of self-esteem helped me hide for all those years. I wanted love and acceptance for who I was, but how could I expect anyone to give me what I was totally unwilling to give myself? The answer is, it's never gonna happen.

So, until you as an individual take a complete inventory, and can throw out the rotten, tired and expired habit patterns that are just sitting there collecting dust and taking up valuable space, you will continue evoking the same big, ugly, painful thoughts and feelings about yourself that you wish someway, somehow, would just magically go away.

It's not easy. Definitely not. But the bottom line is, can you attempt to love yourself enough to at least try?

HAL
August 7 2003, 3:16PM

'Personal responsibility for our behavior' is the only way we will survive the forces that beset us, individually and collectivly.

DL is nice because brothers are loving each other. Lets hope they will protect their lovers, both male and female!

Troy Cooper
August 9 2003, 9:29AM

Keith

As always- you bring the real issues to the front with honesty and clarity. The responsibility of protection begins and ends with us as individuals..We are the masters of our own bodies. I agree playing the blame game doesn't solve or provide any solutions to prevention and or spread.

Great work...Troy from "The Other Side

Mark
August 9 2003, 6:31PM

Keith...Very passionate article. Thank you.

"Cool"... give Kola a break, she states in her post that she did not have time to edit.

AB... I anxiously await your next article.

The current media interest in the down-low is only fueled by the white-driven media to take a swipe at not only something else PERCIEVED TO BE black, but at "straight" black males specifically. How else to join the black-shaming/blaming campaign, which is in America's DNA, than to produce and article and hype-up a culture in which black men with women are sleeping with men on the side? During this Kobe phase, this "demonization" fits perfectly. Obviously, gays don't see it that way, but the conservative Americans will. Now, Catherine Crier (sp?) on CNN can have a panel about how many black men with wives/girlfriends are sleeping with men, and how horrible it is that they are spreading AIDS in their community. ("Isn't that a shame????") As if they care. They care about ratings and newspaper sales, and the resuting power and feelings of superiority that resultfrom such stories.

I am gay, but I know very well that straight white males are very much threatened by black straight males...if said black males happen to stray off of the the court/field into white boardrooms or white wive's bedrooms. So I think that this is a shaming war, because, dare I say it, very few straight men (some don't care) want to be percieved as gay. Kola is right on about the idolatry that is heaped upon us when it comes to sex -- secret or otherwise. I've even heard debates (read.. conjecture) about Kobe Bryant's "size," and requisite jokes, on a white (is there any other kind) radio talkshow this week. In any other circumstance (my own personal interest notwithstanding), I would have been titillated, but I was disgusted. It's no secret that the media is sinking to lows the depths of which the Titanic never knew.

Also, why is the DL a black thing. Perhaps sharing "too much information" here, but if I can't post a position from a standpoint of honesty, then I won't post. I would have to resort to counting on my toes if I started counting the number of married white men that have hit on me. It's not necessary that you know whether or not they succeeded. My point is, I wish that someone would do a story on why so many married white men tip on their wives with other men (Duh?!).

I've place an ad on a hugely popular adult dating site, and in my search for "men seeking men" more that 50% of the results that fall into my cue are not just gay men, but white men who characterize themselves as "bisexual" or "bicurious", and willing only meet "bisexual men" or man-woman couples where the man is the same. Whites have their kinks too, and there is a lot of couple swapping going on out there. In the confines of couples meeting, woman-woman contact seems to be a given in 90% of the ads I've read, but the numbers of white man-man swapping in couples really blew me away, no pun intended. Hmmmm...? It really opened my eyes as to how many WHITE men are hiding behind their wives (more than 50% of the ads). Interestingly, I have never seen a dating ad where a black man looking for a woman characterized himself as anything but straight.

I suppose that white males feel the confidence (bolstered by America's acceptance or ignorance, as in most things, to go out on limbs that most black men would fear to tread, for obvious reasons. When white males tip on their wives, perhaps they consider themselves on the "up-high."

blksthrnchrm
August 10 2003, 1:34AM

Keith,

Let me start by saying that I appreciate the forum that you've established here and I find these discussions not only necessary, but also provocative and insightful. As persuasive as your writing is, I find myself standing in opposition to you in the debate that arises in your article, The Big Down Low Lie. In a thinly vieled effort to protect your own sense of manhood and gay pride, your tone suggests that perhaps you sympathize with irresponsible black men who live willfully deceitful lives. You seem to suggest that black women are complicit in this deceit, which suggests, that perhaps as a community, by not addressing the subject, we have silently approved of this behavior. You argue that perhaps by moving beyond blame and villification we can somehow invite serious discourse. And finally you conclude that safe sex and condoms are the bridge to personal responsablity and thus an effective band-aide to the AIDS epidemics which ravishes our people. You say that as a community we have hang ups about sexuality that prevent any real solution to the down low phenomenon, but this statement, though presumptive, is but an understated version of the real delima, moral decency. Your argument here suggests that black folks walk blindly into sexual relationships or encounters with little awareness or acknowledgment of the reality of the situation, and it further assumes that as a community, we have somehow denounced a non-disclosed sexual preference, and thus percieve non-descript members of our society as problemaic. But by your own admission, we've granted silent approval. I digress. The point here is this: at the core, our sexual behavior, or rather, our over sexualized tendencies (be they gay, straight, or whatever) is often inconsistent with our religious upbrining, and so our closeted infidelity goes unchecked against our own internal moral objections. I believe that the underlying psychology of morality and sexuality is what perpetuates the spread of HIV in the black community, and handicaps true acceptance of homosexuality and homoerrotic sex. So you're right, it is personal responsablity and inappropriate behavior which spreads AIDS. I just think slapping a condom on it alone doesn't go far enough to solve the real problem.

Street
August 10 2003, 12:10PM

If anyone was int he NY area and listening to the radio this morning you would have heard an appaluing radio discussion about Down-low black men. Women called in outraged that they got AIDS for a man who lied to them, religious flowers called in quoting bible verses, and DL men chimed in stating how their lifestlye will make them lose everything.

What is missing is the other side. Where are the successful intelligent black gay men who are out and are not affraid to be themselves. We need to be shaping our own images. There is no such thing as DL. DL is a buzz word created by the media to discribe a black gay man who might sleep with a woman and wears hip-hop drag. WE as a collective need to create positive outlets and spaces of expression where black gay men can feel loves, supported, respected, and cared for. We can not let the media's smear campaign drive us all back into the virtual closet.

And we need to teach our young women about AIDS and PREVENTION. You must wear a condom writher a guy is gay, stright, or a space alien. A condom is a must. You can't just sit back and think because a gay is stright that he can't be infected. You as a black woman needs to also believe the everyone has it and you must protect yourself.

WAKE UP.

Q
August 11 2003, 11:39PM

Wow! Very poignant, remarkably true. I take heart to those who speak on reality. I have to say that although this is my first post; I've become akin to dropping in on Keith's daily tidbits [maybe you shouldv'e remained at the NBLGL, because our leadership is laxing!]

Anyhow; as a young, bisexual man of color, I am extremely concerned with the current state the SGL/POC community is in. It seems that we're a non-cohesive, semi-progressive and nearly inconspicous group. Which intrigues me becuase I am finding amongst my people: highly capable, brilliant and influential persons that could do so much more to ameliorate and resolve the ills that plague "same gender loving, people of color" communities.

Me on the DL: I remind you my brothers and sisters that just because a man or woman lives their life discreetly does not imply some shame or self-hatred for who the are. I too am tired of the "down low debacle;" as the experts, who truly have no idea what it's all about, appear to be on a mission to assasinate the character of the bisexual man of color. Yes, it [being on the DL] is an extremely hard life we lead. No, it's not always only about the sex but about discretion in the SGL relationships we form. I know plenty of men who love their wives/girlfriends and families dearly and while I cannot applaud their infidelity, I do understand the plight they face. For instance, I am not prone to tell the women I date that I also date men [and vice versa, but that's another dissertation] because of the natural inclination for them to run away. If however, a relationship [with a woman] was getting serious the omission or possible addmission would consume my mind. I learned who I was a long time ago -- at a young age I knew my bisexuality meant options and choices, for me life wasn't and will never be about what's between the legs but about what's in the heart. I search for a "person" who I can love unconditionally and desire a "Reciprocal Emotion" (TM)[had to trademark that title! :~)]

I do implore SGL/POC and the people of color community at large to open up and be more candid about sexuality. Wake up: AIDS/HIV is not new and is far from eradication; spirituality is shared by persons of various sexualities; and issues do not resolve themselves. Religious fanaticism and moral debate don't effectively address why more women of color are slowly dying. Live and let live has been my long-term motto but maybe we should codify the golden rule and push forward a progressive agenda of tolerance, peace and freedom. [OUT

Rockwell
October 27 2003, 12:52PM

LETS GET THIS RIGHT PEOPLE. It doesnt matter how macho or how butch or how hot a DL guy is. The fact of the matter is he has to practice lying, deceipt, and dishonesty to maintain his covert activities. These are not traits that help any community but rather destroy.

As a Jamaican who visits the NYC area, I am sort of surprised as to why Black American males do not take advantage of the freedom that their country has to offer them. Here in Jamaica, being on the DL is not an option but a survival tool. Coming out here means a 75% chance that you would be killed. So most of us stay in the closet. In the US, there are no laws against homosexual sex like it is here in Jamaica. Gay men can actually be themselves, I am aware that they will face some amount of discrimination, but many have done it and are living fulfilling lives. I believe that its a much better option than lying and cheating and sneaking out to go to darkened clubs in Brooklyn...

You guys got the power of freedom than other homosexuals around the world could only dream of. Yet its being ignored in favor of a DL culture that propogates Deception..

and for the record, DL brothas are not the primary cause of HIV infection among women. They are being used as scape goats.

One love...good to go.

Rockwell
October 27 2003, 12:53PM

LETS GET THIS RIGHT PEOPLE. It doesnt matter how macho or how butch or how hot a DL guy is. The fact of the matter is he has to practice lying, deceipt, and dishonesty to maintain his covert activities. These are not traits that help any community but rather destroy.

As a Jamaican who visits the NYC area, I am sort of surprised as to why Black American males do not take advantage of the freedom that their country has to offer them. Here in Jamaica, being on the DL is not an option but a survival tool. Coming out here means a 75% chance that you would be killed. So most of us stay in the closet. In the US, there are no laws against homosexual sex like it is here in Jamaica. Gay men can actually be themselves, I am aware that they will face some amount of discrimination, but many have done it and are living fulfilling lives. I believe that its a much better option than lying and cheating and sneaking out to go to darkened clubs in Brooklyn...

You guys got the power of freedom than other homosexuals around the world could only dream of. Yet its being ignored in favor of a DL culture that propogates Deception..

and for the record, DL brothas are not the primary cause of HIV infection among women. They are being used as scape goats.

One love...good to go.

Valerie
December 23 2003, 9:45PM

Keith,

As I sat and read your comments on the DL brothers or the openly gay brothers, my heart and soul started to ache. I am a proud African American sister, I have been with my husband for 7yrs and married 3yrs out of those seven. The wordS DL or downlow brothers does not exist in my category. You are either gay or heterosexual. If any man is with a woman and goes out and have sex with another man, he is GAY. If a man have any sexual thoughts, feelings, or sexual peekness by looking at another man, he is Gay. When I make this next comment I speak for all females, not just my sisters. "Married men, single men, and the DL men. We are the fruit of all the earth, has been since the beginning of time. Life begins with us and will surely end with us. Our life is a precious jewel you can destroy with you toxic tool. We don't want you if you are Gay or if you are a DL brother, so leave us alone and find you another. Why do you lie, when you know you are going to make us cry. What about the children that your sea of poison will affect. You see, your life will not be the only one in a mess." By me being a female, if I found out tomorrow that my husband was on the downlow, I would leave his ass quicker than he could blink an eye, go get tested for HIV and live in celibacy for the rest of my entire life.
To all women, please protect yourself at all times. They sell female condoms, buy them by the dozen if you have to. We never know what our men are doing and with whom. It is up to us to stop this disease. Please respect yourself by protecting yourself.

J. Blaize
January 31 2004, 3:23AM

First and foremost, let's get this out of the way. There has already been a study years ago by the CDC validating the statement that men who sleep with other men were passing HIV to Heterosexual Black women at a higher rate than those who were intravenous drug users or through heterosexual contact combined. So now that we're starting to see this hit heterosexual Black women at a higher rate, please don't act like you don't know how it got there! It clearly got there just as the CDC stated. Through Black men being less than forthright about what they are doing.
Which leads me to my next point. Your mentioning that women are "lying to themselves." Was that supposed to be another reason why all of this is going on? It's easy to say that women "lie to themselves but a man's sexual orientation SHOULD NOT be a guessing game where he gives her little hints here and there that SHE has to dig through just because he's not brave enough to own up to what he's doing! So unless this man on the "DL" came up to her and TOLD HER that he was sleeping with men and then she denied it, her only sin was having faith in the man, loving them and take them for their word - not "Turning a blind eye."

Secondly, you said that "If you don't want HIV and you don't want a baby, you have no excuse for having sex without a condom." What? What about marriages and committed relationships? Our covenant of marriage and committed relationships are supposed to be our havens! If we do not trust anybody else in the world, we are supposed to be able to feel safe in these relationships! But now you're saying that because these men are giving into their urges, we should no longer be free to express our love to each other in the purest of forms? Now WE have to be prisoners to constant suspicion even in our marriage beds? Ridiculous.

Then you mentioned that not only are the heterosexual people partly to blame for not "embracing" the gay community and talking openly about it but the media is responsible for dividing our community by labeling the act of men having sex with other men as being on the "DL." What is this about? The media is not dividing our community, Black men (in this case) who are more interested in keeping a woman as their cover girls and continuing to have unprotected sex with other men that are dividing our community. Yes, the media placed a label on it....and they had to because they had to distinguish the men who were lying from the men who were openly gay. And I don't see what's wrong with the phrase. Since these men are doing something down below the detection of other people, the phrase fits. So if you think it's a dirty term then maybe you should start looking at the actions itself because that's exactly what they're doing. And no Keith. of course the media wasn't going to be around when Black men were dying from this situation. Just like in anything else, it's one thing when you've made a choice to do something that may not be in your best interests. But as soon as their actions start having detrimental affects on innocent people-then that's the time to start making this situation known so that it can be corrected and these people know what they're dealing with! And that's what the media did. And let's be very clear about what were dealing with Keith. We're dealing with murderers and theives. These are men who have no problem with stealing the life of another person. They can whine all day about the fact that community does not accept them but that doesn't excuse them from the fact that they are well aware of how HIV is transmitted and they also know they are having unprotected sex with men - RIGHT? So they know what their doing-they just don't care.

So before you make another speech or write another column, I urge you to think this one through a bit more. Step back from your circumstances and start looking at it from another point of view. How would you feel if Kleptomaniacs all around the country decided to come together to form of group whose motto is," Klepto and proud of it." These people have decided that because they have the compulsion to steal from other people, they shouldn't be held responsible for their actions. Stop calling them that dirty name that we call them (Kleptos) and instead of telling them that they are doing something that isn't of God, society should be more accepting of them. After all, if society were more accepting of them in the first place then they wouldn't be afraid to let them know what was going on. Instead of telling them that they are wrong and need help to at least curb their problem, we blame ourselves for not allowing them to express an openness to stealing. Sounds absurd to you? Well the fact of the matter is...that's exactly how these DL brothas sound to us..... like Kleptos who want to be accepted.... and they are keith.... they are stealing hearts and stealing live. I hope you think that one over. ** J Blaize Atlanta, GA

Me, Myself & I
February 19 2004, 6:27PM

It's not about playing the blame game. It's about accepting responsibility for actions. If you are a brotha on the DL and you have a girl or a wife at home and she doesn't know about your DL activities, then you are foul! A woman has the right to choose whether or not she wants to be in a situation like that.

And the BS about "if society was more accepting of men on the DL, maybe they would be comfortable enough to be out there about it"...that's Bullshit! I am so damn tired of the black community blaming someone else for what the hell is going on with us. In some instances, it has it's place...in this one NOT! There are millions of gays who are out like WHOA and they are dealing with what comes with that territory. Blacks have to deal with the societal stress of being Black but we don't hibernate in our homes because of it. We are proud and we do what we have to do.

I am a Black woman who is tired of carrying the weight of the Black man on my shoulders. First you have the Pro-Black crowd who says that society has already made it had on the Black man so we should stand by him and take all the shit that he needs to work out in therapy. Then you have the "Hip-Hop Heathens" (as I like to call them), the rappers who glorify the type of woman who will deal with his cheating, lying, will kill for him, do jail time for him and anything stupid you can think of because she's down for him...puuuhlease!

Right now, my daughter's father wants to have another child because he wants a boy but I can't. As much as I love him and as much as I would like another child, I have this fear that he is on the down low. He's been in prison (white-collar crimes) a few times and someone once told me about an incident with him and another man in prison, which he denies of course, but putting myself at risk for AIDS or anything else is not worth it to me. We have love for each other put I haven't had sex with him in two years. And I don't ever plan to again.

STOP BLAMING BLACK WOMEN AND THE BLACK COMMUNITY FOR THE FACT THAT YOU ARE ON THE DOWN LOW, RISKING THE LIVES OF YOUR WIVES AND YOUR CHILDREN. BE A MAN, IF YOU UNDERSTAND THAT CONCEPT, AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY! THAT'S ALL!

tasha
March 25 2004, 11:05PM

you are a MAN. what is wrong with you. be HONEST with women please. if you are honest from jump then a lot of pain and confusioon can be avoided. if you really cared then you be honest before you spread any possible diseases.

Sonadora
April 22 2004, 11:32AM

DL, all of this has to do with lust. I am not against gays or bisexuals, I am against liars. It's like telling a child yes to everything, no! There has to be some restraint, wrong is wrong no matter how you try to justify it, I won't judge, but I will say this, how can you claim to love someone and expose them to life threatening situations? It's not fair, I have a stigma now in reference to dating, I am a female, and am now abstaining from sex, I have nothing against bisexual men, but I choose not to indulge my self intimately with one. What bothers me, is that it is too easy to influence and manipulate the black public! Too easy, if you feel shame of concealing your life style, what is down in the dark eventually will come to light, if you disclose it and still feel shame, 9 times out of 10 you shouldn't be doing it! The society of the times reminds me of Babylon, it is out of control, we were taught to restrain as children, you may want to push someone down, put that do not give you the go ahead to do so. Sin is sin, what may not be wrong to one person, can be wrong to another, women are disregarding and unprotected, we birth our babies and nurture them, we nurse their wounds, we feed them, we love them in all their weaknesses, we protect them when no one else will, we stay even when daddy leaves, we're raped, but love out men anyway, we still give birth and bare the pain of another nonpromising day, we have hope even when it looks grim! Yet we are still ho's, bitches etc. Even if we did sell our bodies for money, we should still be praised, we did it majority of the time for you, our babies, we suffer so that you may have a chance! It is not to point blame but to know that, we are at a spiritual war, and if you subcomb to your desires you will suffer the consequences and fall short of any blessings or spiritual growth God originally intended for you, man's own denial and studity will be his own demise, we need only to sit back and watch! No one has to tell grown people what's wrong or right, they know! We all know when we turn off the lights and close our eyes. You can't escape the truth, and if you don't know what the truth is, ask, God will reveal it to you, some people just don't want to know!!!!!

colaine
June 9 2004, 11:02AM

Again, Black women are being placed in the position of having to protect the black man from himself. If a man has sex with another man, then he is GAY. To caution that a Black women should insist upon the use of condoms in a committed relationship is not only insulting but ludicrous. Is it too much to expect that when a man promises to love, honor, cherish and protect you that he means exactly that. The down low is less about sex and being misunderstood and more about lies, deceit and disrespect. These black men are too weak, self-loathing and cowardly to reveal themselves for what they really are and they are risking the lives of Black women in the process. If a guy tells me he is bi-sexual then I would most assuredly run the other way as fast as I could. Black men know this and that is why they lie. They want to have their cake and eat it too. They call it being on the 'down-low' when they are in fact merely 'low-down'. Sisters, do not be mislead, when your partner lies to you about something as serious as this, he does not deserve your sympathy but condemnation. Better yet, we need to start making black men accountable for their atrocious actions and charge them with attempted murder once his deception is discovered.

Katrice Williams
July 27 2004, 8:24AM

I agree that the Blame game should not be the focus of this issue. I also agree that the "Sexual oppression" in the black community prohibits many youth and black citizens from hearing about the dangers of HIV and AIDS, as well as other sexually transmitted diseases. The black community tends to want to value a lot of morals that don't advocate premarital sex, along with alcohol and drugs, which prevent information on STD's. However in the 21st century our "Christian" values have changed with the black people. The truth is that while we may hide the truth and produce secrets about our behaviors by those who claim to go to church on a daily basis, or claim they are not hypocrites or a "gay" man in the sense there are still those who are innocent. J.L. King tends to focus on married life in his book a great deal. He asks women to watch for small, subtle, and often impossible signals to tell if a man is cheating. I am talking about married women who have become affected with AIDS. While everything else may be true, it can be impossible to know sometimes if your husband is on the Down Low. It is unfair to ask a woman to use protection with her husband that she has vowed to have a monogamous relationship with and to love only him for the rest of her life. Marriage and its vows may be a separate issue in and of itself, what is important to remember that many individuals will not ask themselves to have protected sex with their husbands, because you shouldn't have to assume he's disloyal. I don't believe blaming any one will solve anything, but also there are important elements that should not be forgotten. As a final note it is understandable why some women may be angry, it does not justify attacking other black males who admit their sexuality, have not harmed you, and are leading relatively positive and honest lives.

erica
August 13 2004, 11:52AM

Keith, I am currently writing a persuasion speech on HIV. My target audience is caucasion females under 30 years of age. In my investigations I have concluded its not so much of a rise of infections of Hiv in the african american community. The rise is awareness, the thought it may happen to us is contantly embedded everyday from advertisements of HIV reflecting the african american to awareness campaigns promoted in underprivelaged neighborhoods. Statistics dont lie, the distortion of presentation can create an ideology intentionally, or unintentionally. White Americans are not being tested as frequent as those in the Afican American community, unless they are termed at risk and even then these campaigns for testing isnt as vigilant in suburbia. My point is yes there is a problem in our community with HIV. It is actually accumulative in the sense of our cultural values and moral commitments collectively, however the statistics arent really presenting the BIG picture. A change has to come in our ritualistic behavior it has to come soon to save us!