Coming Out On The Runway

By Keith Boykin, in sexuality
Tuesday, July 1 2003, 10:50AM

Although Ebony Haith was eliminated a few weeks ago from Tyra Banks's reality show "America’s Next Top Model," her openness about her sexuality may have inspired other fashion models, artists, entertainers and dreamers to be more open about theirs. Being black and lesbian did not discourage Haith from pursuing her dream, and it should not discourage others either.

I have to admit that I have only watched one episode of "America’s Next Top Model," and I did not know at the time that Ebony Haith was a lesbian. But Tyra Banks knew, and Banks selected her as a finalist for the show. The rest of the world found out when Haith disclosed her sexuality publicly on the show.

Haith and Banks also know that the fashion industry is filled with black gays and lesbians. Many, like Vogue Magazine editor-at-large Andre Leon Talley, are quite openly gay. Some, like J. Alexander, comfortably and casually mention their boyfriends while on the job. Some live in glass closets where they imagine no one knows their sexuality. Others are deeply embedded in the closet, where they hope their private lives will never see the light of day.

I am often asked by aspiring artists, singers, performers and entertainers if they should come out of the closet. I find this question difficult to answer.

First, coming out means different things to different people. For me, coming out simply means being open and honest about who I am. It does not mean that I must march in a gay pride parade, issue a press release, or wear a rainbow sticker on my lapel. But many of us come out differently to different people. Often we come out to close friends and potential partners but don't come out as freely to older friends or family members.

Second, coming out is a personal choice. I never counsel anyone to come out if he or she is not ready to do so. No one should come out to satisfy anyone else but himself or herself. And some people, quite frankly, should probably not come out so quickly. Members of the armed forces, for example, and young people who live with and depend on their families for support might want to exercise more caution than others in coming out.

Third, coming out is a never ending process. I came out in 1991, but that doesn't mean the whole world knows. Everyday I come in contact with new people who don't know me and I make choices about when or whether to come out to them. Since 1991, I've discovered it's easier simply to be out than to come out.

I also understand that coming out has consequences, especially for public figures. The young R&B artists who email me may not want to come out of the closet while their careers are still in their early stages. But there's another issue to be considered for the future. The longer you wait to come out, the harder it is to do later.

If you come out when you are just starting, your disclosure could hamper your career from the beginning. On the other hand, if you come out after you've become successful, you could possibly ruin your career. It's a tough choice, and for those who want it all, it's even more difficult.

There's another way to look at this choice. Public figures who choose not to come out make tremendous sacrifices as well. How would you like to spend the rest of your life without ever being able to express your affection for someone you love? That's part of what drove me to come out a dozen years ago.

For most of my life, I wanted to run for office. I knew very well the choices I would have to make to look the part of a politician. Americans are conservative about their tastes, so I thought I had to be a conservative-looking, upstanding married man with children.

Then I fell in love, and I realized I would rather be happy and gay than unhappy and closeted. But I also realized that I didn't have to be a conservative-looking politician in the first place. As more openly gay men and lesbians bucked the tide and ran for office, I realized that I could run for office as a gay man myself. Then I realized I no longer wanted to run for office anyway.

Although I'm a private person, I'm still very public about my life. I learned long ago that when I open myself up with honesty, no one can use my life against me. So rather than follow the easy path that others have made for me, I've tried to create my own path that fits me better.

It hasn't always been easy, but I am inspired by people like bisexual singer Meshell Ndegeocello, openly gay mayor Kenneth Reeves and openly lesbian model Ebony Haith.

And I am constantly inspired by the words of Audre Lorde, a black lesbian poet mother warrior activist. Lorde said, "When I dare to be powerful -- to use my strength in the service of my vision -- then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid."

Model Behavior

Black Lesbian Not America's Next Top Model

Comments (1) reveal