Confessions of Donnie McClurkin

By Keith Boykin, in spirituality
Tuesday, November 19 2002, 12:21AM

Donnie McClurkin sang, "A saint is just a sinner who fell down." But there's a fine line between sinfulness and saintliness, and it may not be drawn where Donnie McClurkin thinks it is.

The Greater The Sinner

I've noticed that the people who feel the most guilty about their pasts often become the most self-righteous once they "reform"? It reminds me of something a friend once told me: "The greater the sinner, the greater the saint."

I've seen it time and time again. People who once abused drugs, alcohol, sex, and other people suddenly find themselves changed and start preaching about "sin" to others.

In 1996, two of my friends started attending Greater Mount Calvary Baptist Church in Washington, D.C., which convinced them they were no longer gay. My two friends repudiated homosexuality and distanced themselves from their other friends. When I did see them, they preached about the evil of my ways.

My ways? Wait a minute. What had I done wrong? I had not abused drugs, alcohol or sex. I tried to treat everyone with respect and honesty. I didn't even drink coffee, much less alcohol.

It didn't matter. They were equating me with their own past behaviors. They were ashamed of what they had done, and they figured I must be doing the same thing too and I should be ashamed.

But I was not ashamed. I was not hiding my sexual orientation from anyone or living on the "down low." I was living my life openly and honestly.

Donnie's World

I suspect the same mentality that influenced my two friends may have shaped Donnie McClurkin's views on homosexuality.

I don't know Donnie McClurkin, so I can't say for sure what motivates him. Earlier this year, I met him on an airplane on a flight to Detroit. He sat in first class, and I sat behind him in the first bulkhead row of coach. That's the extent of my personal contact with him.

Meanwhile, McClurkin is flying high in his career. Appearing in a sleek sable fur, he sang at the funeral of RUN DMC star Jason “Jam Master Jay” Mizell. He has been nominated for a Grammy, and his last CD, "Live From London and More," was No. 1 on the Billboard gospel charts for more than 40 weeks last year, according to the New York Times.

Nearly a thousand people, including his good friend, Starr Jones of ABC-TV's "The View," attend his church every Sunday and the collection plate reportedly brings in $100,000 a month. He runs a Bible study group on Tuesday evenings, and he is now touring in a new show called "Hopeville" with Kirk Franklin and Yolanda Adams.

Donnie's Homosexuality

What has made McClurkin a controversial figure is not his music, but his preaching. Last year, his book, Eternal Victim/Eternal Victor, explained his 20-year experience with homosexuality, which he said started after he was raped by an uncle.

"Love is pulling you one way and lust is pulling you another and your relationship with Jesus is tearing you," McClurkin told the media. He now "counsels adolescent boys that homosexuality is a choice they can overcome," the New York Times reported.

Maybe McClurkin should stick to singing. His advice that young people can overcome homosexuality only confuses them about the reality of sexual orientation. No reputable scientific study has ever demonstrated that homosexuality is a choice or that it can be "overcome."

Homosexuality, like heterosexuality, is a sexual orientation. People don't choose their sexual orientations. They are who they are. They may choose whether to act on their sexual orientations, but they have little or no choice about the sexual orientation itself.

The problem is that people often confuse sexual orientation with sexual behavior. Choosing to accept one's self without fear or shame is not the same as choosing one's sexual orientation. Choosing to act a certain way after accepting one's sexual orientation is not the same as choosing the orientation either.

But far too many so-called Christians don't want to listen or learn. The would rather parrot the rhetoric of their preachers than bother to think for themselves. For some reason, people do not want to accept diversity, but the truth is we are not all exactly the same. Nor do we need to be. Some of us are heterosexual, some are homosexual, some are bisexual, some are asexual, and some may fall elsewhere on the prism. Out of 6 billion people on the planet, we should expect some differences.

Donnie Doesn't Get It

Unfortunately, Donnie McClurkin doesn't get it. But maybe he doesn't get it because, like many of us, he thinks in limited spaces. We tend to generalize from the micro to the macro and assume that everyone else must, naturally, be exactly as we are. But anyone who has traveled extensively and met lots of people from different backgrounds should know better.

I don't know if Donnie McClurkin is homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual or asexual. Quite honestly, I don't care. But I do know that his experience is not the same as everyone else's. I've met thousands of gay men and lesbians across the country, and very few of them were raped or abused as children. Even fewer would say they "chose" their sexual orientation. Why would anyone choose to be a victim of discrimination?

In fact, because Donnie McClurkin said he had no control over the circumstances that led to his own early sexuality, McClurkin himself never chose to be gay. But he did apparently choose to be heterosexual, largely because he wanted to change.

It's highly unlikely that God changed McClurkin's sexual orientation. It's far more likely that McClurkin was confused about it all along. Whatever the case, McClurkin should not make the mistake of assuming everyone else is the same as he is.

As a gospel musician, Donnie McClurkin knows all too well the hypocrisy in the church about homosexuality. The world of gospel music is filled with gay men. The late Rev. James Cleveland was perhaps the best known of this group. But the church remains as homophobic as it is homo-tolerant, preaching a fire-and-brimstone company line while at the same time gleefully accepting tithes and contributions from homosexuals and ignoring the presence of gay men as music directors, choir members, organists, ushers, deacons, and sometimes ministers as well.

The church may be a fountain of hope and inspiration, but it is hardly a fountain of knowledge and courage on issues of sexuality. That's exactly why so many black men in our churches perished in the eighties and nineties while the churches denied the problem of AIDS.

Here's the truth. For nearly all of us, sexual orientation cannot be changed once it is established. Childhood experimentation is not the same as established sexual orientation. Whether we are straight, gay or bi, we are who we are. We need to deal with it, accept it, and get over it.

What Do We Tell The Children?

What makes Donnie McClurkin's story so troubling is that he is now violating young people in much the same way that he was violated.

Rape is horrible enough already. Raping a child is even more disturbing. But to teach a child that homosexuality is a "lifestyle" choice that is not "normal" is to rape that child of his right to be himself. Bombarded by anti-gay messages that revile them, gay teenagers are already more likely to be abused in school or to attempt suicide than their straight counterparts. Do they really need to have their pastors berating them too?

Donnie McClurkin, of all people, should know better. He suffered for nearly 20 years because society told him there was something wrong with him for his homosexual desires. And he believed it. Now, rather than teaching young people to love themselves for who they are, McClurkin teaches them that they are sinful and evil if they are gay.

Instead of clouding their minds with prejudicial notions of masculinity, we need to teach young men that manhood and sexual orientation are not connected. What makes a man is not his domain over women but rather his sense of maturity and values.

I once read a statement that explains manhood quite well. I like the definition because I think it applies to men and women. It's really about adulthood and responsibility: "Honesty with oneself, fairness toward others, sensitivity to duty, and courage in its performance. On these qualities rest manhood, and on manhood rests the structure of society."