August 28, 2003
By Keith Boykin, in pop culture
Thursday, August 28 2003, 2:06AM
It's hard to believe another year has passed in my life. I do not feel old, but I am aware that I am growing older. This is not at all where I expected to be in my life, but I am thankful to be here. The journey has been an amazing experience.
Twenty Years Ago
I don't know where I expected to be right now in life, but I know I never imagined I would be living as a writer in New York City.
Twenty years ago this summer, I was an 18-year-old high school graduate preparing for college. I had just finished reading Return of the Jedi and I was "worried about my academic preparation" for Dartmouth. "I plan to improve my writing skills, writing and overall communication techniques during the summer," I wrote in my journal.
"To assure this goal, I am now reading a book about reading faster, and I will soon begin to practice my penmanship. As far as spiritual growth, I am now beginning to read the Bible more often, and even understanding it better. I hope to continue this pattern in the future. Lastly, my physical appearance should be aided by my overall commitment to improvement. I am lifting weights currently and will soon begin jogging on a regular basis." That was 1983.
Ten Years Ago
Ten years ago, I was a 28-year-old law school graduate working in the White House, but my journal entries were consumed with unrequited love. "My one-sided love affair with Adam (not his real name) has finally ended," I wrote. "I spent the weekend with Adam, we never had sex, we communicated poorly, we got on each other's nerves, and he even spent one night sleeping with his new boyfriend, Brian."
I was remarkably honest with myself in describing a trip I took to visit Adam. "The awkwardness of being around Adam finally gave me some face-to-face finality to my yearlong obsession in absentia. When we broke up over the telephone last fall, I assumed things would work out if we just saw each other again. I know now this is not true." That was 1993.
A Year Ago
My life seems completely different in 2003 from what it was in 1983 or 1993. I barely recognize that person writing in the journal. I'm not even the same person I was a year ago. I know I am changing.
It's been a busy year. In the past 12 months, I've traveled across the country from the Outer Banks of North Carolina to South Beach, Atlanta, Washington, Philadelphia, Chicago, St. Louis and Los Angeles. I've also traveled the world from London to Paris, Amsterdam and Guernsey.
In that same time span, I've written more than 250 daily website columns, begun a new book and helped develop a radio show and a television show.
I've been involved in a new relationship that has helped me to love and accept love. I've met wonderful new friends, rekindled old friendships and said goodbye to friends who have left me.
I've also had a lot to write about. I've lived through a U.S. war against Iraq, a sniper attack in suburban Washington, a blackout in New York, the murder of a 15-year-old black lesbian in Newark and the killing of a New York City council member by a black gay man.
A year ago, no one was talking about homosexuality. Now, everyone from the Supreme Court to the Bravo Channel to the 2004 presidential candidates are being forced to deal with gay issues. A year ago I could have been arrested for bringing my boyfriend home to stay at my mom's house in Texas. Now it's perfectly legal.
A year ago, I had never heard of 50 Cent, Norah Jones or Lizz Wright. I'd never been to the Roxy, never heard of the Joe Boxer Guy, and never thought I'd see a gay bashing at Morehouse College. Back then, Kobe Bryant was still an angel, Barry White was still singing, Jayson Blair was a star reporter and the New York Times magazine didn't write cover stories about black gay men.
Today
Today, on my birthday, I confront the reality of change. Many of my friends, heroes and sheroes died too young but they left a lasting impression on me. Martin Luther King Jr. died at 39. Writer Essex Hemphill died at 38. Filmmaker Marlon Riggs died at 37. Earlier this year, my ex boyfriend Oddis Mitchell died at 36. Back in 1980, my gay uncle Michael died at 35. I carry on in their memory.
I sit down at my computer after midnight and turn the music to random selection. The first song I hear is "Anthem" by Dianne Reeves. I love this song, but as I begin to type the lyrics I cry.
Anthem
I looked in your eyes
and saw a reflection of your fears
and even your smile
was stained with a sadness
Heavy is the load you had to bear
Silence is the veil you learned to wear
Haunted by a past
you tried to bury deep inside you all these years
I've seen you stand strong
and always so willing to go on
I've seen you confused
with no place to run to
Break the silence that you've held so long
Let the words become your freedom song
I will not condemn you for the things you did not know
You did your best
Now's the time to hold your head up high
and the time to leave the past behind
Keep on fighting till your spirit is free
and I know you'll make it
Step by step
Doing your best
You've got the right to live with dignity
Tears of sadness roll over my cheeks and turn to tears of joy as the song goes on. Yes we all have the right to live with dignity, no matter what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow.
I cannot change the past and need not worry about the future. All I can do is live in the moment and be grateful that I have been blessed to see another birthday.
Comments conceal
Fred
August 28 2003, 3:10AM
Keith,
Awww, dry those eyes buddy. Sending you lots of warm hugs :)
Let me be the first one to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! This was truly a touching article. It's been quite a year. Wish you all the best and many more happy returns. ;)
Kurt Wallace
August 28 2003, 4:59AM
Keith,
HBD and many more to you. I admire your work and reading this has made me reflect upon my life, past, present and future. I'm here in Fort Worth, Texas and glad about the change in the law.
All the love and happiness that you can handle in your relationship and your life. Keep inspiring me and others.
Tim Evans
August 28 2003, 5:19AM
Happy Birthday wishes from Vermont. You are reaching your 40's and I can say with certainty it is a wonderful time in life. Have a great day! Tim
lucascage
August 28 2003, 7:18AM
Happy Birthday Keith!!!
The funny and exciting thing about journeys is, that you never really know where it will lead you!
Congratulations on the success and insight your journey has brought you so far..... and remember there are many new rivers to cross!
Again Happy Birthday Warrior!!!
You make us proud!
Daniel
August 28 2003, 9:14AM
Happy Birthday Keith!
Will
August 28 2003, 9:46AM
Happy Birthday Keith and Congratulations on another year!
Much thanks and appreciation for sharing your thoughts, emotions and life with us.
Have a Great one!
wes
August 28 2003, 9:47AM
Happy birthday! Keep up your good work and this great website.
mr
August 28 2003, 10:16AM
Happy Birthday.
Keep on keeping on.
MR
FredV
August 28 2003, 10:46AM
Happy Birthday, you BEAUTIFUL, WISE man!
John
August 28 2003, 10:51AM
Happy Birthday and keep writing!
J
David
August 28 2003, 11:02AM
Happy Birthday Keith,
It's amazing how much your blog has been a part of my life this past year.
Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us.
Your article today made me stop and think hard. Then it made me very afraid. I am 18, I am starting my sophomore year in college this morning, and I have many dreams like you did many years ago. Your article made me think hard about my life and my future.
Thanks once again.
Kola Boof
August 28 2003, 11:04AM
Keith, Happy birthday to you. How wonderful.
I wish you love and all your favorite things. God be with you.
alicia banks
August 28 2003, 11:10AM
happy earth day keith!
great intimate column...
you grow more beautiful and eloquent each year
your new love is the luckiest man on the planet!!!
love,
ab
Stuart
August 28 2003, 11:23AM
Hey, Happy Birthday and thanks for another inspriational piece of writing. It's my big brother's 30th birthday today as well, which has got me thinking about where we are and where we're all going. Thanks for helping my thought processes along. Have a good one.
Stuart
Imparadised
August 28 2003, 11:36AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KEITH! You are a great person with a lot of great things to say. Keep it up. I was first introduced to your charisma and charm at the 2000 Gay March on Washington. I saw you on C-SPAN one day while I was a senior in high school and you were speaking about SGL black men and just the struggles for rights in the SGL community. I applaud you for that. I also saw you at the University of Michigan when you came and spoke and after that I followed you on to this website and I've been following you ever since. Keep up the good work.
Cedric
August 28 2003, 12:18PM
Happy Birthday, Keith! I met you in Akron a few years ago when you came here for a speaking engagement. Since then I have started my own baking company, Simply Ced Creations. Next time you're here your favorite dessert is on the house!
CS
August 28 2003, 12:21PM
Happy Birthday!!! I enjoy your writing and this article is great. :o)
CS
Antonio G
August 28 2003, 1:21PM
Happy Birthday Keith.
carl
August 28 2003, 1:34PM
A fellow Virgo ... I knew u were to good to be true ... Have a Happy Birthday!! And many more ... Ur essays are enlightening, inspiring and on point. Ur honesty is a breath of fresh air and I wish u nothing but continued peace in ur journey ...
Jimmie Dye
August 28 2003, 1:57PM
Happy Birthday Keith!
You have enriched many lives including mine. I don't always agree with you but I do admire you and appreciate your input and insight.. You give a much needed voice to many of us. Bless you!
cmoney
August 28 2003, 2:55PM
Happy Birthday Keith!
Don't worry about the '83--who needs jerry curls anyway? :-). 93 was a great year and you looked great then (Abs, abs and more abs). 2003 sucks, but you look even better and have moved on to bigger and better things. Never look back, except to see how far you have come. Love you and hope to enjoy more of your birthdays in the years to come.
André
August 28 2003, 3:01PM
Happy Birthday Dude!!!
I love reading your column everyday. I wish I would have gather up the courage to say hello to you the times I saw you in the gym in D.C. U R not like what I thought U would be. Keep up the good work brotha and may God watch over you in your daily walk through life. Peace.
Cederico
August 28 2003, 3:20PM
Happy Birthday!
LM Ross
August 28 2003, 3:33PM
Happy Natal Day, Brother,
May this New Year in your journey
Bring you more instances of Pure & Radiant Happiness,
More Time to smell the African Violets,
More Journeys into Self-Awareness
More Time to discover Why we exist.
And always remember what another wise soul wrote:
“There is no enlightenment outside you." -Ashida Kim
Peace & Progress, always
L.M. Ross
Doug Cooper
August 28 2003, 4:18PM
Happy Birthday! Wish I'd known that when I saw you in Brooklyn a few weeks ago. Would've given u a gift. Been many wonderful years of knowing u and working with u.
Our gift to life is what matters most isn't it?
Take care,
doug
hh
August 28 2003, 8:35PM
Happy Birthday Keith!!!
Keep on writing! I enjoy your website.
Aim to work on your memoir, I'll be happy to buy and
read!!
Da D.L. Crib
August 28 2003, 8:49PM
To A Sexy Mutha Fucker:
Happy B-Day yo
Dre
Cody
August 28 2003, 9:56PM
Happy Birthday, Keith.
My spirit has always quickened to other Virgos. I should have known.
May the Creator bless you in a phenomenal way. May you have many, many more?
Cody
iago
August 28 2003, 11:17PM
Happy Birthday! Thank you for all you do. You are a very special gift to all of us. May God continue to bless you.
Nuit-Noire
August 28 2003, 11:26PM
Keith!
Happy B-Day from Toronto Canada!!
You touch so many lives on a daily basis
Keep up the wonderful work and be blessed
One Love
Mark
August 29 2003, 12:17AM
Being an astrology buff, I wondered to myself if anyone else was born on the same day as the historic March on Washington. Of course, YOU WERE!! Maybe not the same year, but the same day, nevertheless. Happy Birthday, my friend. Thank you for keeping me informed all of these months.
Mark
Frank Eggers
August 29 2003, 8:23AM
I hope you had a happy birthday.
I find your writing very interesting and well-thought out. As a GWM, I hope that you can inspire more blacks to see the value of becoming better educated.
During my life (I'm 65 and fighting to remain as fit as possible; I'm not going down without a fight), I have seen many advances in civil rights for both blacks and gays. But, we must keep pushing. Either we advance, or we move backwards. Complacency is deadly. On the other hand, advance is never continuous; it tends to be 2 steps forward and 1 step back, and sometimes it is difficult to tell in what direction we are moving.
I've read about the DL (horrible), but even before reading about it, I suspected that there was such a thing based on my observations. Let's hope that the DL will vanish as openness increases.
Please keep writing.
Krystal
August 29 2003, 2:48PM
I hope you had a Happy Birthday Keith. You wrote about the changes you have experienced within yourself over the past 20 years. The one thing that has remained the same was your love for your family and the love your family has for you. We are proud of all of the accomplishments you have achieved over the years. We are also proud that you have a great sense of self worth and you know what you want out of life. I view you as a strong black man who loves deeply and passionately but most important I view you as my best friend and adoring brother.
Happy Birthday Keith!
Love,
Your Sister Krystal
anthony
August 30 2003, 11:01PM
Happy Birthday Keith and hope that you have many more to come. I truly love your website. I look forward to logging on daily and reading what you have to say. I also have had a mad crush on you from the first time that I laid eyes on you and you signed a copy of your first book for me in Giovanni's room in Philadelphia. You truly are a beautiful black brother Keith and I just want to say much love to you.
Don Wilson
September 1 2003, 1:23PM
Happy Belated Birthday. I have enjoyed your worked. I particularly appreciate your birthday message. You have given a present to all of us on your birthday. The gift of reminding us to reflect. May God continue to bless you with many happy and productive years.
Simon Nelson
September 3 2003, 11:17AM
A long term admirer and activist from across the pond ;-) Happy Birthday